Thing to Remember: I actually don't hate weddings
It is easy to convince oneself that weddings are the worst. Even the mildest of cynics, with little effort, can roll their eyes and mutter something about social constructs or commercialism. I'm not a fan of tradition and ceremony in the first place, but when the pomp is accompanied by a nimiety of what I believe are misogynistic symbolisms, then ceremony becomes even less tolerable. Right?
Not so much, it turns out. I think it's time to realize that I actually love weddings. To hate weddings would certainly be to fall in line with a few of my other beliefs. But it's like I'm trying to generalize myself! You have to admit though, that a lot of wedding traditions are pretty non-feminist. Why do only girls mark themselves as taken with an engagement ring? Why often is it only the female that walks down the aisle, as the groom waits up front? And don't even get me started on, "Who presents this woman?"
I guess it's a choice. Do you want to view a wedding as what it historically was meant to be: the changing of hands? A bride now belongs to her husband instead of her father? OR do you want to view it as a celebration of how much two people love each other?
I was at a wedding this weekend. And it was just lovely. It's just a party! A celebratory acknowledgement of a terrific relationship! Weddings are just full of happiness and sincerity. I love them! I need to stop telling myself I don't love them, because I DO!
I know that if I ever decide to have a wedding, that I will analyze the heck out of every single tradition. And there are totally alternatives! At my sister's wedding, she and her husband were both walked down the aisle with both of their parents. A male friend of mine is engaged, and he wears an engagement ring as well. I think for myself, that I'll skip the actual ceremony and just have a super casual reception/party.
Anyway, my point is that I'm going to start making an effort to get better at giving myself permission to change my mind about stuff. Today is the official change in opinion regarding weddings: they are the best.
6 comments:
We didn't walk down an aisle... we just mingled at the beginning and sort of appeared in front of everyone when it was time to start. There was no "man and wife." In fact, I edited a civil union text for the ceremony to make it very feminist. I almost didn't wear white, but the dress I loved didn't come in lavender... so I ended up with a purple petticoat underneath it.
There was no garter toss, no bouquet toss, no first dance, no daddy-daughter dance, no flower girl, no maid of honor speeches... We got hitched, exchanged rings, signed papers, and danced all night. For a feminist couple, we made it work.
My fiance is wearing an engagement ring too :) And we're skipping any of the traditions we don't like. We want the day to reflect who we are as people, not what someone else has told us to do. It's going to be a wicked party :)
I definitely want to elope. Definitely.
That's assuming I ever find a guy who doesn't bore me after like 2.5 seconds.
This post could have been written by me, except it would be much more poorly written and rambling. I agree with your sentiments completely.
I think this is great, both the realization about the weddings and the larger point about changing your mind. Yay!
This reminded me of your post.
http://www.feministing.com/archives/017557.html
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