Getting my life on track: eating edition

A simple flow chart:

Halloween is coming --> Stores stock bags of chocolate bars in prominent locations --> I can't help it! I buy chocolate bars --> I eat so many --> I suffer the consequences (slight weight gain, zany energy levels, BAD SKIN) --> I decide to go on a health kick.

Let's get real here. I am not a very orderly eater. I love food SO MUCH. And yeah, I know, who doesn't love food. But I mean, I appreciate the stuff. I have much self discipline in other areas of my life (school work, triathlon training) but when it comes to food I can't control myself.

Example: My roommate and I each got a large pizza for dinner on Saturday night, thinking we could wrap most of it up and take it in for lunch this week. Guess how many pieces I ate? 7/8. And the reason I didn't eat that last one was because I was starting to feel nauseous. Like I had to drink a ginger ale and rub my belly for about an hour while watching 30 Rock. And it was that episode where Liz Lemon confesses all her weird habits to Floyd (because she snuck into an AA meeting by accident and heard him confess all his weird things) and she's like "I had 3 donuts today. No I lied, I had 5" and I was like PSH. FIVE. WHO EATS FIVE DONUTS IN ONE MORNING. Because the fact of the matter is that somebody brought donuts into the office last Friday and I only ate four of them.

And for the past month or so, I've allowed myself to eat ice cream when I get home from work. And then I'm too full for dinner so I just don't eat dinner. (Dear self, aged 8: YES. ICE CREAM FOR DINNER. Being an adult is totally the best.)

In addition to the fact that I really, really should be cutting down on sweets (especially since I can't go running for a month after my surgery. And especially because have you seen the state of my face? Like 6 big zits including these two embarrassingly symmetric ones on either side of my chin) I also ought to really be consuming more health food.

I don't cook meat because it grosses me out (exception: pre-cooked, breaded chicken fingers! Yum yum yum!). I have a few meals that I do cook that are mostly variations of stir fried vegetables (with pasta and tomato sauce! With quinoa and balsamic sauce! With scrambled eggs and salsa!) but mostly I eat canned soup. Or Ramen noodles. Sometimes I munch on baby carrots as an after thought.

Other than an apple packed for lunch at work, I sometimes don't eat any vegetables all day. Which is a shame because I LIKE vegetables. I just like them less than ice cream.

I need to make some rules for myself.

1. Cut down on sweets. This means:

• No more buying Halloween chocolate. What? Yes. Finish the Reese's PB Cups you've already got but savour them well because that is all you're getting.
  
• Fine, you can still eat ice cream. But never before dinner. And put it in a mug not a bowl because when you use a bowl you make huge helpings. Seriously.
• It would be unrealistic to hope that you'd be able to not eat things that people bring into the work kitchen. But cut it down. This morning was 2 cookies and cinnamon bun thing. Next time how about 1 cookie and the smallest CB, okay?
  

2. Stop eating when you are full. This means:

• Portions in Texas are larger. When you go out to eat, stop at 70% (because if there's less than 30% left you can't really ask to take it home)
• On average males eat more than females, and since 100% of the people you cavort with these days are male, you're eating their food amounts. Stop matching them.
• Honestly, eating 7/8ths of a large pizza is gross. Next time wrap up left overs so that they actually are left overs. If you don't wrap things up right away, you'll keep snacking. And then you'll feel like vomiting. IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?
  

3. Increase consumption of things that are nutritious. This means:

• Drinking water, not diet coke (That 32 pack was rationed to last until the end of November, you quaffer. Water is delicious. I know that running the tap takes a long time to get cold. Either learn to wait those 30 seconds or get an ice cube tray or something. Wait, you have an ice cube tray. Problem solved, lazyface) (What? Lazyface? Oooh, burn) (And a belated ooh, burn, on "quaffer")
• Eating 5 different fruits and vegetables a day. I know, there was a time when you tried to do 5 differently coloured Fs and Vs a day. But that time is in the past. It was too hard. Be reasonable. Five a day is easy.
• If you don't have fibrelicious cereal for breakfast (Mini Wheats 4 L, seriously) then PROMISE ME you'll eat lots of whole grains through out the rest of the day, okay?
  

Okay so there we go. Nine new rules. Let's see if I can follow these until Thanksgiving (yeah right like I can follow eating rules during Thanksgiving). That's exactly one month. OKAY GO.

(Ps. What are some good recipe websites that will teach me how to cook things that aren't gross?)