But... it might also be gout.

Hey what the heck! This post is time stamped at an ungodly 2:39am. That can't be accurate... or can it?

Good morning judges, teachers, parents, and fellow students. I am up this early to blog to you about my knee.

Yesterday I joined a soccer team. "What fun!" you shout. "How harmless!" you cheer. "Friendship potential!" you encourage. Wrong. I had only been playing for about 20 minutes and had hardly touched the ball when this big guy collided with me HARD.

Freaders, I have this issue? With going down in soccer? I have this issue with wanting to look tough... you know how it is, am I right? In my 17 years of playing the sport I have gone down 3 times: once when my overly competitive coach told me to fake having asthma so he could switch in the girl who was really good at penalty kicks (I was 10 years old and it was overtime in the Ontario Cup semifinals. Still, lying, Joe? Telling a 10 year old to lie about a lung condition? Pretty lame) and also when I broke my nose, and also this one time when both my calves just gave out and I couldn't unbend my knees for a few hours.

So of course I was all, "hey, no sweat. I'll just... butt-shimmy off the field here. Make a quick substitution. Oh yeah, yeah I'm fine" because I wanted my new teammates to respect me and my inability to ask for help. So with a little bit of rolling and a bit of snake-like movement I made it the 2 meters to the side lines but then discovered that I was unable to put any weight on my right leg at all, so I had to ask this guy I just met to help me support my weight and make it over to the bench. How embarrassing!

Oh and then people's moms (ps. being in your 20s and your mom still comes to all your soccer games. Great or kind of lame?) were all "here's some ice" and "do you want some juice?" (Yes and Yes, ladies!) and I sat out the rest of the game.

And you know, I thought I was fine. A text message from a friend asking how my knee was doing was replied with a quick "fine fine fine." Lots of ice. Lots of watching 30 rock. And to bed I went, thinking the last bits of pain would probably be gone by morning.

Bzzt. Wrong-o! I woke up about an hour ago in the most excruciating pain of my life. I think it compares with child birth, at least. It took me about half an hour to be able to get up and hop/drag my leg to the kitchen to take a few Advils and get some more ice. And then of course... a good log into web mb.

The number one possible condition is an ACL injury which would be stupid. Don't you have to get surgery? Then again it's also telling me it might be gout (really guys?) or patellofemoral pain syndrome (I meet every symptom and I've had this my whole life... I didn't think this was a syndrome. You mean other people's knees DON'T wiggle, pop, and cry every time they kneel?), septic arthritis (that sounds like a bathroom joke), dislocated knee, PCL injury, bursitis, chrondomallacia patella, sickle cell crisis (sickles? Or galleons. Harry Potter jokes, anybody?) or this whole other huge long list of words that I've never heard of.

And while I realize that this is probably going to end up being a "Lise. It's just a bruise. Chill out" I'm still definitely not chilled out right now. I want it to not be the middle of the night so I can call somebody and ask what to do. Should I go to a doctor? Tomorrow or right now? I want my ice bag to not be leaking all over my bed. I want to be within driving distance of my mom and/or dad so they can be here if I want/need them. I want to be in Canada because even though I'm insured, American medical facilities really scare me. I don't understand protocol. I'm also a little bit hungry, so I wish the kitchen wasn't quite so far. I don't think I'm up for a second trip. Can I still call Telehealth Ontario? I think I'll try. I feel sort of scared and alone right now.

So, because I had to stay up a little bit to ice this bad boy before I try to fall back asleep again, I thought I'd post to feel a little less alone right now. Even though I won't get to read your comments saying "see a doctor!" and "kiss kiss!" and "rest, ice, compression, elevation!" won't come until a few hours from now, it still feels proactively good to be listened to. In a few hours it will be reasonable to call home and ask my dad what to do (HE ALWAYS KNOWS), but until then I thought I'd crank out one last post in case I die. From a knee injury. (Web MD... you play to all my hypochondriac tendencies.)

Edit: okay, it's the morning, and it's much better after I've walked it off for a bit. Plus I may or may not have had like 4 more Advils. It's tolerable... but I'm worried because it hurts on multiple sides of my knee, not just the side I landed on. Plus I do occasional physical labor for my job (including tomorrow) and I was supposed to go on a wondrously fun camping trip this coming weekend. Let's say tomorrow. Tomorrow if not better, then doc-doc? Deal.