Short Imagined Conversations with an Olympian
So there's this guy at my gym.
Let's just get this out there: he's quite a hunk.
We see each other every morning, but have never spoken. He usually does the weight machines or sometimes he likes to hang around near the free weights. In the mornings I do abs and back, so usually I'm lying on a mat somewhere, but sometimes I'm using barbells or the captain's chair or something. Sometimes we get drinks of water at the same time. One time we made eye contact on the stairs.
He's always wearing Team Canada Olympic gear. Some of us are fanatics, I understand that. I am an Olympic fanatic but this guy has A LOT. I mean, you'd have to be super hardcore to buy that much gear.
...Unless you didn't buy it. Unless it was given to you, because you are a member of a Canadian Olympic team. Hey?
Today he wore Team Canada Hockey sweat pants. SO OF COURSE the first thing I do when I get to work is search for the Team Canada Hockey roster. And of course their website sucks and something is up with their server or something because I can't access the roster! Then I found one, but it doesn't link to their bios or, more importantly, their individual picture. So I can't tell if my gym boy is an Olympian to be or not.
However, on account of my active imagination, I have already presumed he's their star forward.
And since I've slowly come to realize that maybe I won't ever go to the Olympics (maybe... but maybe not. Maybe not is a possibility) then maybe this guy is the closest I'll get. So obviously I'm going to get in there.
Short imagined conversations:
The Olympian: We've never talked, but hi. You are sort of pretty, and probably intelligent.
Me: Why thank you. Are you an Olympian?
TO: Yes!
Me: What fun! ... I like Olympics, too!
TO: We've never talked, but hi. You are incredibly beautiful, and I've googled you to find out that you used to place really high nationally on all sorts of math contests
Me: I'm a calculus wiz!
TO: I love calculus!
Me: And I'm okay with hockey! I mean... what sport do you play?
TO: Hockey! Good guess! Do you play?
Me: Uh, no, but in high school I was captain of the soccer team!
TO: Hockey! Good guess! Do you play?
Me: No, but my sister is the highest goal scorer in her division, which is the highest division, out in California. She's good!
TO: Hockey! Good guess! Do you play?
Me: Well not exactly, but my sister qualified for the world champions of triathlon for her age group! And I... well I DO triathlons.
TO: Hockey! Good guess! Do you play?
Me: YES. And I am amazing. Probably better than you.
TO: Hockey! Good guess! Do you play?
Me: More like, do you do improv? No? Okay so we're at a 1-1 tie for things one of us is good at but the other is miserable!
TO: 1-1 Tie! I like ties. I have to wear them with a suit at awards ceremonies. I go to them a lot. My house is full of medals and such.
Me: Congratulatory paraphernalia can be such a hassle!
TO: You're telling me! I've had to hire a duster to come in once a week!
Me: Congratulatory paraphernalia is a nice way to be honoured.
TO: I would be even more honoured if you would agree to have dinner with me this weekend?
Me: Congratulatory paraphernalia would look great in our baby's room
TO: Agreed, man. Hey, want to come to the Olympics with me in 2010?
Me: Well, only if it coincides with my week off (Canadians: reading week. Americans: spring break. Everybody else: uh, generic week off?), because I will STILL be in school then.
TO: Well since I'm so good at hockey, I'm probably very highly paid by some sort of NHL team. So you could pay off the university to let you do something like take only 4 courses per term. Imagine? You'd graduate later but taking only four courses would be such a pleasant learning experience. You'd get 90s and still be able to go out on the weekends or watch an entire season of Veronica Mars instead of studying!
Me: Sounds deluxe. I'm in.
TO: Also since I'm so rich, I'm going to just go pay for your towel service. Then you don't have to spend 5 minutes drip drying every morning.
Me: Oh Olympian, I think I love you.
27 comments:
awesomest post to ever be awesome. love you (and your new boyfriend, he sounds hot and funny! do you think he want to come to my wedding once i find a dude to marry? I'm sure they'll be very best friends and go on fishing trips together while we run away for a weekend of surf lessons in mexico.).
I love that you keep switching up your answers trying to figure out which one is best :)
Gosh, is that a funny post.
My guess is if he was an Olympic/junior hockey player, he would currently either be on an NHL or OHL roster. You should search rosters of nearby high-level hockey teams.
Sometimes, to amuse myself while running, I pretend I meet Joe Thornton and he teaches me all his hockey tricks and then I am the star of the Olympic team. It is fun.
But anyway, about your Olympian: if he is on the hockey team, then he must also be in the NHL (I would assume playing for Toronto?)...and then why would he be working out at a gym for commoners?
Anwyay, here is the Olympics roster...find him!
Bryan McCabe, perhaps? (Or maybe he is a team trainer? That is kind of hunky too...)
Bri- I am so down for surf lessons. What fun!
Lspoon- oh come on, like you don't?
Joel- Yeah, I never thought about it. All the national team plays for the NHL, so he'd have to be a Leaf... and the only Leaf is Bryan McCabe who is like what, 35? He's not Bryan McCabe.
Lin- I assume he's in his 20s. Probs low 20s. I've searched... I don't think he's ON team canada. Probably a trainer. Sigh. STILL THOUGH. Also maybe he's on team Canada for NEXT YEAR, like he was just an in-training alternate this year. Yeah?
you are hilarious.
i have all sorts of imaginary conversations myself.
Im sure its just our higher intellect.
haaaa. i love the choose-your-own ending bit if the first option doesn't work out as well.
you should talk to him. he could totally be your new boyfriend. :)
Um Lisa? Baby's room? I don't think you should use that one. It's a little...strange. But good luck! Personally I like convo #1.
OMG, you are killing me. You are so funny.
I definitely think you should claim to be better at hockey than he is. Challenge him to a duel!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Love it!
I have imaginary conversations all the time.
Adorable. I say challenge him to an air hockey duel. It might be more advantageous to you. :)
That is the funniest post! There was a guy at my gym that looked like the hunk from "what I like about you" and I was always having imaginary convos with him in my head too!
You are so fucking funny!
Wait, can I say fuck here? Well, you are!
I like when he pays for your towel surface. What an (imaginary) gentleman.
Oh Olympian, I think I love you = gold.
Each- our intellect! That's it!
Kari- The baby's room line works like a charm, though. I've honestly never seen it fail.
DS- I'll start practicing my air hockey tonight... he won't know what hit him.
somechick- thank you for using the word hunk. It's almost as good as "dreamboat" and neither should fall off the way side. (the way side? is that the right phrase?)
Hope- golly, yes!
Nemo- paying for towels. How victorian! I bet Mr Darcy pays for Lizzie's towels.
Haha, love this post.
Ha ha that is the best post ever. I always have those things going on in my head. So nice to read some one else's pre planned conversations. Good luck with YOUR olympian!
Olympian? Sheesh. The only guy I've ever met at the gym (keeping in mine that I avoid the place like cockroaches avoid light) was a hottie young dude who told me he was 20 but he was actually 18. I was 25 at the time and told him I could be his teacher, but that only made him more amorous.
I only dated him a little while after finding out the truth. Hey, how many times am I going to get to go to a frat party again? (Once was enough)
My conversation with a hot Olympian would be a lot less literary than yours.
Me: Hey hot Olympian, want to follow me into the showers?
HO: Okay, but I want to make it clear: it's gonna be all about you, okay? All I know how to do is look hot, be athletic, and please the ladies.
one day you'll be telling your hot olympian kids all about this post.
Or maybe he's a serial killer who chopped up an Olympian and took his gear.
Oops. Buzz kill, right?
I mean: Yea! This hot guy totally will buy you towel service.
(before he chops you up and takes your gear).
I'm realizing this is not my best first-comment to leave at a blog. But, then again, I'm not deleting it, either.
at first i was like "OMG she met an olympian TOO"
and then i re-read it and was like "ok, it was just me"
lol
I can always count on you to make me giggle. Is that an Olympic sport?
this is the scenario game in all it's glory! you just took it to the next level...
You are so funny! I love that I'm not the only one in the world who has imagined how conversations that are never going to happen occur.
Don't tell a soul, but I work out at completely inconvenient times just so I can get some good eye candy! Then when I'm on the treadmill, I think that they'll think I suck if I get off too early. It's good inspiration, even if they aren't looking my way at all.
ok so i do this too. except sometimes i think of the options...only AFTER i've successfully stuck my foot in my mouth. then all i can think of is what i SHOULD have said.
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