Questions on this Eve

Posting daily Monday through Friday is difficult!

So, on this, the eve of both all hallow's (what?) and NaPoBloMo (...what?), I've decided that ripping out a quasi-crummy post just to get my daily out- will stop! (As in, we're possibly talking 4 posts a week. Also we're talking that I'm def not in NaMo-whats it. That's a lame idea anyway, right?)

What won't stop though, is the fabulousness of this pumpkin:You know what else won't stop? Me and my self-enforced near uniform. Seriously I wear the same thing in different colours every day. Like look what I wore on another pumpkin day when I cut up this babe. Why do I insist on wearing plaid collar shirts to all pumpkin related events? And what's with my NINE POLO SHIRTS.
Seriously. I buy everything in multiples.

Okay this post took an interesting direction. It was supposed to be self reflective on why I blog. And now I'm about to share the fact that I own the 3 of the SAME pair of jeans.

Um. End Scene!

Advice is something you ask for when you've already made up your mind

Over the past couple of weeks I had six interviews. As I've explained before, the structure of my degree means I'll be working full time from January to April.

I didn't want to write about the interviews until I heard back from the jobs- I don't know, just because. On Friday I heard back (all on the same day) and I was offered 3 of them. I was going to post about each job, and ask/make you guys decide for me.

Any time I asked somebody what they thought and they said anything other than the job I was leaning towards, I'd fight them until they agreed. And then I realized- why ask when I already know the answer? I guess I just wanted to be sure I was making the right choice.

So- I'm living and working in Toronto next term! Great, now let the apartment hunt begin!

An open letter to anyone who burgles shoes

Dear Bigfoot,

How did you like the party on Saturday? I had a pretty good time.

It was kind of dumb how they made us take our shoes off at the door, hey? I've been suspicious of such requests ever since that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie's $400 Minolos go missing so I stacked my shoes in a purposeful manner in the corner under the shoe rack. You'd have to really be in the mood for my shoes to bother to go get them.

It seems you were in the mood. You see, we arrived at the party wearing the same shoes.

You, big foot, left before I did. And instead of taking your own shoes, which you had carelessly strewn into the giant pile upon your arrival, you took mine.

Okay seriously you footwear thief - how drunk could you have been? Because there were many obvious signs that these particular shoes did not belong to you.

First, they were tucked under the shoe rack- if you didn't put them there, they couldn't have gotten there. Second, they were stacked in a way that, yeah, if you hadn't stacked them like that? They wouldn't magically end up like that. Third, they had peeling backs whereas the ones you arrived in were in slightly better condition. Fourth, your soles are worn out from dragging your feet while mine still had full treads.

If those 4 things didn't set off the "these aren't my shoes" alarms, here's what might of.Yeah, the fact that mine are 2 and a half sizes smaller than yours.

This is a picture of me wearing one of your shoes.

How did you even get your feet IN my shoe?

Have you not NOTICED yet? And, since it YOU who inappropriately ransacked the pile of footwear, it is YOUR responsibility to get these back to me! Contact the people who hosted the party! Seriously- they're my fave shoes! I want them back!

-Lisa

***[Ed Note Nov 24th: It was been requested that I clarify that this wasn't a crazy, out of hand party]

And then we'll all watch Stepmom

Characters: SJ (single), Leah (long term relationship), Laura (long term relationship: engaged), and Me (as single as they come)

Location: the living room of my apartment. Hanging out.

Me: Oh by the way SJ, you're invited to "Single Girls' Night", because we're tired of couples being allowed to have couples night. We can be equally exclusive!

SJ: Hooray!

Laura: Yeah? Well Leah and I are going to have "Girls who are in a relationship night"

Leah: Yeah- held in my apartment. Across the hall

SJ: We'll have them on the same night

Laura: We'll have strippers!

... awkward silence...

Me: We'll play pranks on you guys!

Laura: We'll make crank calls!

Leah: We'll throw water balloons at you!

SJ: We'll initiate a pillow fight!

Me: We'll adjust your scales so that when you weigh yourself it reads 5 lbs heavier!

Laura: We'll put Nair in your shampoo!

SJ: We'll switch your sugar with salt!

Leah: We'll throw HAND GRENADES

So over in one apartment: "Eeek that balloon was so splashy that my hair got wet! Bummer now I have to straighten it again!" and in the other: BOOOOOM "Cripes! Who knows how to file for disability?"

Google Search: Binge eating

Two days ago I bought a box of 30 chocolate bars.

Reasons why I should eat one right now
- I want one
- They were a good price because of Halloween
- They are delicious
- I should take advantage of the fact that as a Canadian I have access to such delights as Coffee Crisp and Aero bars, while others, in less privileged countries, do not.
- My skin has been semi-clearing up lately so it can take a beating right now
- I'm hungry and lunch takes so long to make
- I go running all the time, so the calories shouldn't be a deterrent
- Studying so hard deserves a good reward
- The energy would probably help me study even harder!

Reasons why I shouldn't eat one right now
- Because I can't. I've already eaten EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Um, Take Another Peek

Alright you lot,

Some have been saying that the white hairs don't exist. Seriously folks, I don't want to do TWO white hair posts in a day. Or two white hair posts in general. I didn't even want to do the first one but I had a midterm that I hadn't studied for and wanted to get a post out today. (Note: the midterm went okay)

But with my reputation on the line, I simply MUST prove that there really are some whities on top. Yeah, REFUTE THAT EVIDENCE, suckas. (I had to part it weirdly so you could see them. But usually they're so visible that a friend has taken to calling them "my racing stripes")

Grey Hair

A while ago I noticed a small bunch of little white hairs on the centre top of my head.(Excuse the messy room).

Notice the halo mole on my arm there as well. Suddenly my body doesn't produce colour in certain areas! I've googled it- and google says I'm fine. Usually you can prove death by several horrible diseases just by googling one symptom... so if I can't find a terminal illness relating to white hair patches and white moles, I'm probably fine. You think?

But I'll probably get a 60

Midterms are delightful.

I have five midterms this week- one on every day. They range from being worth 25-40% of the course mark.

Here's the thing though: five midterms in five days might sound kind of stressful, but I kind of like it. There's something fulfilling about shutting yourself in your room, chain drinking diet coke, with greasy hair and eraser dust all over everything. Your hands take on a particular sheen due to the graphite from the pencil. You stay up until 3am and you're not even tired. You just want to keep going.

When I study I like to listen to one song on repeat. My itunes play count for this song easily reaches 40, 70, even 100+. The particular song changes every so often. Sometimes it's an entire CD. I wouldn't have passed grade 12 without the musical Wicked and I certainly wouldn't have done so well in 1B calculus if The Strokes newest CD hadn't entered my life. Last night and this morning it was "Papa was a Rodeo" by Magnetic Fields. Earlier in the day yesterday it was the soundtrack for the musical The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.

Actually walking to the midterm room is a feeling not unlike the one experience when finally you pass the girl who has been a couple meters ahead of you for the entire race. It's here. You've done it. Never mind your finish time. You've made it here.

One might contest that better midterm results could be garnered if the exams were spread over 2, maybe even 3 weeks. This is a valid argument. But it's not going to change so you can either fight it or enjoy the masochism.

In an hour and a half I have Dynamics- a midterm that is rumored to never have delivered a class average above 50%. Good Lord.

I visited the prof for some extra help a few weeks ago, and he told me to aim for 100% on the midterm. "Haha. No." was my reply, but he told me that if I aim for a 70, I'll get a 50. I said "hmm, well my goal is usually to aim for a 50, so, I don't think that rule applies to me."

He said that the only way for me to get a 70+ was to aim for 100%. SO. I am. I'm aiming for 100% on the hardest midterm of anybody's life ever in any period of time in any location in the universe. Aiming for 100, hoping for a 50. Ha.

Awkward Goodbyes

Saying goodbye is a necessary (debatable) and tricky (not debatable) task. [Saying hello to people you haven't seen a while requires equal tact, but we can save that for another post.]

Since I move every 4 months, I'm quite the farewell connoisseur. Bidding adieu CAN be straightforward! Society usually dictates a verbal goodbye- which is rather natural in some cases. But for the others, you have to really work to create a perfect parting valediction.

For the trickier situations, I present to you some options. Some "tools" for your goodbye toolbox, if you will.

The Group Shout Out

Useful for: when you know somebody's name, but not much about them. Maybe you awkwardly cheers-ed glasses once at a party or something. Can be used as a follow up to The Casj, if the pass by sits in an area surrounded by the aforementioned.

Directions: Quite simple. While walking by an area where a bunch of people sit, say "Hey Linda, Karl, Marlene, Latoya- I'm heading out. Yeah, last day. It's been great! See you!". Or poke your head in an apartment while your neighbours unload groceries and say "Hey Alyssa, Harindar, Emily- I'm heading out. Yeah, lease is over tomorrow. It's been great! See you!".

[Editor's Note. "See You" does NOT imply that you will see them again in the future. Use it liberally]

The To Be Polite

Useful for: perhaps a superior or somebody that you've really worked closely with (work), or the super (apartment). Somebody you can't justify not saying goodbye to.

Directions: In this case, have no fear at sounding cliche. This isn't a sincere goodbye anyway, right? Google some good phrases and use them here. Shake hands at the end.

The Cashz ("Casual") Avoidance

Useful for: People you don't like. Unless they have facial scars.

Directions: If you really don't even want to talk to somebody, and since you'll never see them again- don't! Avoid them generally, but if they're nearby you can include them in a group shout out. If you forsee a one-on-one encounter in a hallway, abruptly stop and look like you're pondering something. Then frantically open your purse/backpack/laptop bag and dig like you mean it. Face away from them. They won't tap you on the shoulder asking for a goodbye if you might have lost/forgotten something important. Works every time!And of course, next week on the "How to Not be Socially Awkward" show, we'll look at several hugging scenarios:

1. You want to hug, but they don't initiate
2. You don't want to hug, but they initiate
3. You both want to hug, but could be awkward
4. There are others around that you don't want to hug, but if you hug the first person, you have to hug them all.
5. You do hug, but they pull out early
6. You do hug, but you pull out early
7. You're afraid of a cheek kiss
8. You're unrequitedly crushing and you don't want them to find out
9. They're unrequitedly crushing and you don't want to give them hope
10. There may possibly be a mutual crush that has never been acted on. UNTIL NOW? (only on extended DVD version)

Oh dear! Until next time!

Pictures on a Saturday

From football last week

Things I Don't Do

Somebody recently asked "is there anything you don't do?".

I mean, I can see how you ask that. Because I'm sooooo busy what with twice a week swimming and frequent skipping of class?

To humour you, here is a list of things I do not do. I don't...

- refrain from eating ice cream, ever, unless I'm out of it
- shampoo daily
- make movies
- vacuum
- back up my hard drive
- draw
- shave my legs as frequently as is socially acceptable
- cook from scratch as frequently as good health would like
- listen to other people when I think their idea is stupid
- save receipts
- file my own taxes (thanks, dad)
- go to all my class
- refrain from picking zits on my face
- play hockey
- get asked out. Seriously, never.
- call home as often as I could
- study as hard as I could
- clean the bathroom
- rehearse
- do laundry as often as I need
- engage in creative conversation as frequently as people really ought to
- fold my underwear. Some people do! Weirdos.
- wait patiently
- stick to schedules
- stick it to the man, at least not that often
- tell the truth exclusively
- decorate my room. It's so lame looking right now.
- floss. My permanent retainer is lame, too.
- dance. I hate dancing.
- sing well
- travel. At least not as much as I could.
- proofread
- play baseball
- take off mascara before I go to bed
- eat gross looking things
- check the weather (I don't think its going to rain today either)
- hang up clothes when I change into PJs
- try to be inclusive
- make grocery lists
- skateboard
- humbly hide good test marks
- read as much as I'd like
- dust
- remember birthdays

And there you have it! A completely comprehensive list. If it is not on that list, it means I do it.

(Ps. You'll notice that typing idontthinkitsgoingtorain.com with out without a preceding www. will direct you to this page. That is due to hard work. You can link to either and get to this site. I'm working on making the rain one stick in the address bar. More updates to follow)

More Swim Class

I sort of wish I had video taped my first swimming lesson back in January. Remember how I couldn't front crawl at ALL? Or.. back stroke. Or breast stoke. Or- okay basically remember how I just doggie paddled? (Although, to be fair, I had a killer eggbeater tread. Not that I knew what it was called)

And then in Brooklyn I took more lessons ("Advanced Beginner")? And remember how the rescue canoe came to save me during the swim portion of my first triathlon?

Well! Have I got news for you!

I'm enrolled in Monday night "Power Hour" at the pool. Not only does it rhyme, but it makes me sound pretty tough. It's a training session and stroke improvement all in one!

So, obviously everybody that comes is already a good swimmer. Most of them used to race in high school and stuff. So that's okay that I'm nowhere near the best. It's relative. But the point is that I'm getting better!

Anyway so the coach calls the lanes "fast", "faster", and "fastest". (He also calls mathematics "mathemagics" so I like him quite a bit). I swim in the fast lane with two other people. All the other lanes? 8-10 people!

So the coach goes to the "fastests" and gives them something to do, then he gives something similar to the "fasters", then he comes over to the "fast" lane and knows us each by name, and gives us personalized attention. Knows us by name, remembers our weaknesses and strengths... it's pretty one-on-one.

Now, I ask you. Why wouldn't somebody in "faster" just move on over to "fast"? They'd probably get an even better work out and more personalize tips that way. Well, I asked you but the answer is pretty clear. We all see the pylon that states the actual name of the fast lane. It says "SLOW", and people don't want to be in the slow lane. Oh well, better for me!

Things My Mom Says

I've always liked to believe that my mom really supports my single status. Despite the fact that both my older sisters have been dating the same person since first year uni, I thought we were all cool on my lone wolf status.

Apparently not.

During our most recent phone conversation, she told me, "I think you should find a boyfriend while you're still in school. If you wait until you graduate, your chances will diminish because it'll just be so much harder to find somebody".

Thanks, mom. What did she expect me to say to this?

"Oh. Wow... thats a novel idea. Dating somebody! Like- now, instead of later! Well, I think I'll start looking! Thanks mom!"

or

"You're right- wow I never thought about this before. Shit, quick. Hey. You, yeah you, in the brown zip up- are you single? PHEW I'm not the only one. Okay um, you're my boyfriend now. Okay? YESSSSS"

(Ps. I'm keeping my URL at insatiablelf.blogspot.com until I can sort out all the issues with idontthinkitsgoingtorain.com... I'll let you know what we're fully back in business. I think it should be before the end of the week.)

Dainty Tackle Football

Here's a good idea: tackle football

Every fall my residence, Grebel, has "Grebelbowl"- a frosh vs upper years tackle football game. There's a lot on the line, obviously. There are often injuries. Sometimes ambulances. It depends how good the game gets. Every body wants to be involved in this "and that's what memories are made of" game, but

Here's a maybe-good maybe-bad idea: co-ed tackle football

Well, personally, there's no way I'm not playing. So I guess, being female, I'd really like for this game to be co-ed. However,

Here's a terrible idea: "girly girls" playing tackle football

Alright I'm going to make 3 categories of girls playing football.

1. "Ouch ouch are we allowed to PUSH each other?"
2. "Giggle, look at me pretending to be tough. Aren't I the cutest???"
3. "Okay you block for me- I'm going to run left wide but then cut in to the center."

I'd count myself and possibly three other girls in category 3, i.e., the girls who know the rules, are ready to be aggressive, and want to actually play the game. The other 90%, however, decided it would be best to have a "girls' only line". Which involves a LOT of "#2" (the #1s stick with cheering).

So the first time that girls only line goes on we're on defense and... it's a disaster. Just... a disaster. None of the #2s knew what to do, and wouldn't listen to the #3s. Which lead to:

The worst idea I have ever heard:

"I think each side of the girls' line should have one or two guys so we have somebody to tell us what to do"

Seriously?

Seriously.

So next time we go on, we're on offense. We have this guy, Josh, as our QB. On the first huddle,
He says "okay, who wants it?"
I say "I do."

Next huddle,
He says, "Okay, who wants it think time?"
I say, "Anybody else?"
Silence.
I say, "Okay, me again"

Next huddle,
He says, "Okay, I'm just going to hand it off to somebody. Who wants to be a tank"
Silence.
He says, "Nobody wants to just tank it?"
Silence.
I say, "Well, I do."

It continues like this. I don't get it! Why are they all so eager to get playing time if they don't even want to play? After this, I decided that I'll just take another of the #3s and play on a non-girls line. Things go well. After this, I say, "Hey,

Here's an idea that works: I'll just be QB for the girls' line"

This goes splendidly. With me either just running with it or tossing to either of the two girls that can catch.

I have issues with co-ed sports, I really do. But they (the issues) REALLY came out strong at Grebelbowl. I hope my blog isn't still broken by the time I want to post this on Monday! Blogs are the best place to rant, aren't they?

Domain issues updated

So, I bought www.idontthinkitsgoingtorain.com with GoDaddy.com but it doesn't ALWAYS work. And even when it does, it only works if you type the www.

Annoying.

I'm trying to fix it (if you know anything- please help!), but until then, I THINK your subscriptions should still be functional. And if they are- you can still see this post, right?

If so- let the good times roll! I'll post a real post tomorrow.

Thanks for bearing with...

-Lise

Domain issues

I sure hope you subscribe to this blog! Otherwise, just typing lfar.ca isn't going to find you anything.

Something is up with my domain, and so I've switched back to insatiablelf.blogspot.com until I can fix her up. No need to change your blogroll or anything (yet, hopefully).

Sorry! I promise to get it back up and working as soon as I can.

Love Lisa

The New Pose

Every time I go home to visit, I bring my camera and give it to my brothers to go wild. They often take a series of really weird pictures.

This time, wearing a bathrobe and pyjamas, they took a whole bunch of gun poses. Those guys... are weird.

Bahamas Here I Come!

*Ring Ring*

Me: Hello?

Voice: Is this Lisa [last name] of [my address]

Me: Yes

Voice: and did you enter your name in the draw for a 7 day trip to the Bahamas and Florida at the Toronto Waterfront Marathon Running expo!

Me: Yes!

Voice: YOU'VE WON!

Me: what? really? Laura- we're going to the Bahamas!
(Laura: wooo! Yes!)(Because of course I choose Laura, my sister)

Voice: Can I verify that you are over 21?

Me: Umm, nooo. I'm 20. Rats.

Voice: Oh, its okay! As long as you turn 21 within the next 12 months!

Me: Which is what being 20 entails!

Voice: So you win! Let me tell you what the trip includes! It's a 7 day trip to Florida and the Bahamas for 2! Each ticket is valued at $2500! All we need from you is a two ninety nine processing fee. First: 4 days and 3 nights in a 4star hotel in Florida, all meals and expenses covered. You'll be given passes to Universal Studios and a free car rental with unlimited mileage. Then you'll leave from Florida on a cruise to the Bahamas for 3 days and 3 nights! You'll stay in a private luxury cabin with your own personal crew member! The cruise has 16 restaurants, 3 pools, a 3 story water slide-

Me: *Laur- a 3 story water slide!*

Voice: -tennis courts, free tennis instruction, rock climbing walls, day spa, hair salon, free massages, running tracks-

Me: *Laur- running tracks!*

Voice: -blah blah awesomeness and more awesomeness, etc. And finally a moonlit dinner on your last night back to Florida!

Me: Wa hahaha! Wooo

Voice: You can use these two tickets any time within the next 12 months! And there are no blackout days! You can use them yourself or transfer them to somebody else!

Me: tee hee

Voice: Sounds like you want to go?

Me: haha YESSSSS!!!

Voice: All we ask is that you tell your friends about what a great vacation it is, in hopes that they want to sign up as well- that's why we do the draw. Will you tell everybody all about it when you get back?

Me: YES I WILL! EVERYBODY!

Voice: Have you ever been before?

Me: NOO I'M SO EXCITED! WOOOO YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

(Note, the conversation had been about 15 minutes long by this point. He had given a LOT of details. All awesome.)

Voice: Alright, so if you have no other questions, I just need the security code on your credit card to make that processing fee. I'll give you a second to go run and grab it.

Me: It's just 2.99, right?

Voice: Well, per person.

Me: So six dollars?

Voice: no, $600.

Me: oh. Well. You know, I don't think I want to pay until I get the stuff you're sending in the mail.

Voice: but what you're getting in the mail is TICKETS, so you have to pay now! It's only 10% of the entire cruise cost- it's a fantastic deal

Me: Well, I might be willing to pay 600 for a sweet vacation, but I'd need time to think about it. Plus it weirds me out that you want me to pay straight away. Let me just confer with my sister for a second.
Laur

Laura: That's really weird

Me: Yeah, $600 isn't an amount I really want to pay even for a super fantastic vacation. For that much we could do a cool canoe trip instead.

Laura: And plus, paying now on credit card?

Me: Credit card over the phone?

Laura: I don't know about this...

Me: Hi, yeah, sorry, but we don't feel comfortable giving credit card information over the phone, plus we're students and $600 is kind of-

CLICK.

The line goes dead. He hung up!

So... clearly a scam. I looked it up online- a whole bunch of people have the same story.

I really believed it, too. Laura pinched me at one point, and we were both like "THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO REAL PEOPLE FOR REAL!". I had faith in the prestige of the marathon, I guess, so why wouldn't I put faith in the credentials of the stalls at their expo? I was really, really excited to go with Laura. I already pictured us climbing the rock walls, and getting wonderful tans right before her wedding. Laura said she had already gotten over her fear of how tall the slide was. In my head I had already played out a montage of fun times we could have together.

I feel stupid for having believed that I could possibly have won. Of course I could have spotted the signs earlier- like that he didn't care that I was under 21, or that I never actually asked for the company name or anything. (He did tell me it was with Carnival Cruises, and he gave me the call back number of 800-829-5707. Only that's a toll number so I'm not curious enough to call- but you can feel free!)

It made me feel really used, actually. I feel a little vulnerable, too. I'm glad I'm not so stupid as to give out my credit card information over the phone... but really? I was SOOOO excited. I feel really let down.

The true identities of anonymous bloggers

On a recent car trip with the sister and the sister's fiance, I referred to my blog readers as friends. I read their blogs, they read mine.

When somebody posts about a bad day, I genuinely empathize. I remember when they have interviews, and wish them good luck. I worry when their kids have to go to the hospital. I hope their blind date goes well.

And the sister's fiance starting making fun of me for calling them friends. How can I be friends with people I don't even KNOW!

Do you guys get this a lot? He went on about people probably aren't even who they say they are- and even if they are, they're putting on a front that isn't accurate. It's true that I don't get along with quite a number of people in this school because, call me Holden Caulfield, but they're really fake. Why should I believe that these bloggers are any more sincere? (His argument) Another friend really chirps me for reading blogs by anonymous authors.

I never really know how to answer to these people. Just because somebody blogs under a pseudonym, doesn't mean they're insincere. Actually- they're probably more likely to be entirely honest! As for everybody else... just because I'll probably never meet most of them IRL (In Real Life... yes true cybernerd!) doesn't mean I can't believe in their identity! Right? Somebody holla back...

Just 5 slices a day, and you'll never worry about anemia again!

Because I know you didn't believe the cake stats in today's earlier post...And so fiberlicious... screw All Bran!

You write like a girl!

I recently shared my blog URL with a male friend of mine. After reading for a couple minutes, he messaged "Lise, you write like a girl!".

I can't decide whether or not I want to take offense at this exclamation. Like all decisions, research in the form of reading blogs has provided valuable insight.

Let's take a quick peak at some males on my RSS Reader. The likes of:

-Diesel (hilare and totally random. Sometimes blogs about his family, but in a hilare manner)
-Neil (hilare. Sometimes blogs about his therapist, but in a hilare manner)
-Peter (endearing. I don't think he writes with the intention to make his reader laugh, but always makes me smile)
- Joel (hilare. Nuff said)
-The guy at superficial (hilare. And quite often a sexist pig. A sexist hilare pig)
- Dan (he stopped blogging recently. But he was hilare)
- Chris (hilare)
- Ominous Comma (very hilare)
- Other Chris (hilare. But mostly because he's my friend)

Hmmm... I see a trend. The trend is "hilare". This sampling, albeit small sampling, of males post less often about their personal life, or what they did on the weekend. They often post with the intention to entertain. (Note: sorry to Justus, Steveo, M, Kory, the other Joel, etc- didn't include you guys because you didn't prove my point whatsoever.)

And now I look at my girls. I have like, 80 of them on my reader. We talk a lot about dresses and boyfriends and how many desserts we ate to de-stress this weekend and now how guilty we feel about it. (ONE SLICE OF CAKE HAS 158% OF YOUR DAILY SATURATED FAT! AND 760 CALORIES!)

I would describe these wonderful girls as: expressive, likable, cute, unique, honest, reflective, sincere, open, friendly... lots of positive adjectives. But hilarious probably isn't on the top 20.

Not all of them, and not all the time, but they're, for the most part, really quite girly. Other than my cake eating habits, I don't share many interests with these girls. I LOVE their blogs, and their recipe sharing, and their in depth photo comparisons of his and hers bathrooms. But I don't think I blog in the same way as them.

Nor, however, do I compare with the gut-busting humour of the aforementioned gentlemen. And yes, I have now completely stereotyped the way males and females blog. I recognize the exceptions, but bear with me here.

After my friend told me that I blog like a girl, I hit the keyboard with a vengeance. And by "with a vengeance" I mean, "without pressing any keys. Because I had no ideas." I was trying to be funny.

Think of something clever, my girl. Nothing came to mind.

Fine, take pictures of your dinner tonight and blog tomorrow about how healthy you eat. Mmmm, I'd have to make fun of myself if I did that.

Get Grundir to deal with a meme. It'll hold them off until you come up with some funny yourself. Good idea! And so Grundir writes a post for me. And people seem to think I wrote it! It's clearly a Mattress Police writing style post- with Lord of the Rings themes, and multiple references to bloody violence. I think it's one of the funniest things on my blog. I would not say that is a post that looks like it was "written by a girl".

So. As usual, I will end inconclusively, with the concluding paragraph starting with a single word that does not in anyway qualify as even a prepositional phrase, let alone a proper sentence. And I will nod knowingly as I type it up, thinking I have made a valid point. And so I will end the post, and look to you, good reader, to come to a conclusion to the original question, which asks, "Are males funnier than females?", "Are females more likely to have 'personal' blogs?", "Do you think J-Lo is preggers?", "With twins?", "Is this post sexist?", "Are YOU sexist?", "Are you hilare?", "You mean she DIDN'T write the Grundir post?", "Do you think it's fair of me to make these generalizations?", "What percentage of the blogs you read fall under those two categories (male-and-funny vs female-and-personal)?", and of course,

Do you think YOU blog according to the stereotypes I have made in this post?

The New Roommates

It's been more than a month since I escaped the misery of the old roommate. I haven't given you the update on the new roommates yet, though! Okay blogger sucks at pictures- sorry if they don't display well on your screen. The lovely 3 are Laura (my sister), Kevin, and SJ.

Sometimes we have push up contests. Often the recycling doesn't get taken out for a week or so. Frequently we play board games. Occasionally we are all up at 2am for some reason.

SJ and Laura have been roommates since their first year. Kevin has always lived with Laura's now fiance. Our mini fridge used to be my grandma's.

Together, between the 4 of us, we have something like 8 bikes, 6 of which are kept in the apartment. We have 3 bike pumps, even. Laura and I nickname the giant hall closet "the garage" because of all the bikes. All but SJ race competitively.

Kevin is very good at girl talk. We like to tell secrets. Only here is a tip: don't ever play the "honestly, what would you rate me on a scale of 1 to 10" game, thinking that because you're just friends things can be cool. Because then if your roommate gives you a lower rating than you think you are, things can get ugly. I tried once to get Kevin and SJ to admit they at least formerly liked each other, but neither rose to the occasion.

It's good times, over here.

Although I appreciate being tagged...

Greetings, foolish mortals! I am Grundir
the Implacable, Nazgul and Meme-Wraith. My purview is ordinarily
restricted to the premises of the Mattress Police; however occasionally I am called to deal with troublesome memes in other parts of the blogosphere. As the naive but comely Lisa is a good friend of my master, the Dark Lord Diesel, I have deigned to take pity upon her wretched little blog and dispatch a meme that threatens to disturb its bucolic tranquility.

This particularly insipid meme, which found its way to these parts by way of a certain Michelle, goes by the seemingly innocuous appellation "Four Things." Be not fooled! Beneath its tranquil and sunny demeanor lurks an equally dull interior. I have traversed the highways and byways of Middle Earth for centuries, witnessing all manner of foul beasts, but never have I met a creature that so strongly reaks of boredom and banality. If you listen closely, you can hear the screams of the poor benighted electrons who have been trammeled into servitude by this meme, like so many orcs being
tortured in the prisons of Minas Morgul.

Bah! All this talk makes this meme seem more of a threat than it is. Let us deal with this pathetic wretch and be done with it.

Four Jobs I Have Had In My Life

1. Nazgul (Not so much a job as it an eternal curse of living death).
   
2. Hedge fund manager. I specialized in precious metals and goblin futures.
   
3. Meme-Wraith (dealing with troublesome memes for my master, Diesel of the Mattress
   Police.)
   
4. Cloak model. (What, I look good in a cloak.)
   

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over

Anything not directed by that lying son of a warg Peter Jackson (x4).

Four TV Shows I Like To Watch

I tire of this banality.

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation Hobbit-Killing Rampages

1. The Shire
   
2. Bree
   
3. Hobbiton
   
4. Los Angeles (no hobbits, but I did smack Tom Cruise with my gauntlet)
   

Four Favorite Foods

As I have no corporeal form, I do not eat. This question enrages me.

Four Websites I Visit Daily

1. Nazgul-Porn.com
   
2. MattressPolice.com
   
3. Myspace
   
4. Ha! You tried going to Nazgul-Porn.com, didn't you? Fools!
   

Four Places I Would Rather Be

1. Mordor
   
2. Death Valley
   
3. The Dead Marshes
   
4. Epcot Center (It's fun and educational.)
   

Four Bloggers I Am Tagging

I would only wish this meme on hobbits and that pansy Legolas.

Enough of this foolishness! I am Grundir the Implacable, Nazgul and Meme-Wraith. Know that anyone who tags Lisa is in danger of tasting my steel. You have been warned!

[Edit from the comely Lisa. Read more about Grundir here and here and here (don't forget to read comments)]

More Women In Sports Advertisements

I find that a lot of you readers feel very differently from me about sports ads, especially those directed towards women. In this installment, I'll focus on general sports ads (only some women specific). I'm just dividing into what I like, what I don't like, and the ones that aren't clear winners or losers.

The Winners
Nike's Female Athlete=Athlete
The Losers

I'm not sure how I feel, Mixed Reviews

IP's "We are not joggers" campaign.

(Older posts on specifically women in sports: here, here, here)

Final Answer: Worth it

Any of you who read Mattress Police (which should be all of you. What? Scoot on over there and read every post until you literally bust a gut) have probably heard all about his book.

He talked about his book, A LOT, for A LONG TIME. And I was like "yeah right like I'm buying a book comprised of posts you've already posted on your blog which I can read at my leisure for FREE. Nice try, D". I read some other people's reviews (fave) and was slightly swayed. But then my sister bought his book, and she is a fairly reasonable spender. I decided that I would pay easily $15 (the cost with shipping, I think) for somebody to make me laugh half as much as Diesel does, so really- purchasing the book is just delayed payment on all the good times I've had over at his blog.

Plus. Indie music scene? So 2003. (Early naughties- Diesel's term for the current decade). It's all about indie authors, guys. You can keep your cool bands that haves names that make obscure references to children's books or that use a lethal combination of alliteration and the French language. Be that way. But supporting the unemployed blogger is the new "buying local" I bet. Watch for it in Cosmo. You'll thank me later.

THIS BOOK IS HILARIOUS. I hate when people read aloud the funny parts of books to me because then when I go read them it's not as enjoyable. Plus, though I'd usually screw copy right laws, I don't know how Diesel would feel about me retyping out some highlights (read: entire book) here on my blog. But um, Hilare, guys.

Diesel's style of humour reminds you of the hilarious conversations you'd have with that hilarious friend (Gillian, looking at you) where you start off with a funny idea and the two of you bounce ridiculousness off each other until you're reaching absurd levels of absurdity that leave you wondering "Where did we even get this idea from! How hilarious are we!". Like the time I did this. That feeling is what you will experience through out this epic masterpiece.

Nobody is going to disagree with the fact that, should you make this purchase, it'll be the funniest book on your book shelf (unless you own this, in which case Diesel takes silver). But is it worth paying for something you can access online already? I vote yes, because there is an introduction that is all new. AND and preface! That makes me almost feel gypped at the lack of epilogue. Plus, this is BEST OF his blog. And portable, unless you already have a laptop. And autographed, though upside-down. You have no reason not to buy it, really. So go do it!

My First Half Marathon

My legs are such whiners. Seriously guys- going down a single flight of stairs isn't really that difficult.

I guess that have a good enough excuse. Yesterday I ran my first half marathon (2:24:16). Holy smokes was it tiring.

I could go into details about how at the starting line I realized I hadn't had any water to drink that morning yet (bad mistake). Or how due to bathroom lines I didn't really warm up (my dad's technique is to save all your energy. Don't waste it on warming up! Get carried to the starting line!) Or I could even give a full account on my bowels that day (rough shape). Instead, I'll stick with just the high lights.

-Km 1: Shit, they're measuring in kms. I don't know how to pace kms. I want miles!
-Km 3: Water station one. I take my immodium (can't take one of those without water!), and a gel. Probably a bit too much water.
-Km 4: Water is sloshing in my stomach
-Km 5: watch reads a bit over 30 minutes. That's a bit quicker that I intended
-Km 6: Skip water station 2
-Km 9: Skip water station 3, remembering the sloshiness of first water station
-Km 9.5: Wonder why I skipped WS 2 and 3
-Km 10: last 5km was 32:44. Still a touch faster than I planned
-Km 12: WS 4. Took one cup
-Km 15: last 5km was 35:05. I don't want to go THAT slow!
-Km 16: only 5km to go! 5km! That's nothing! We can do this!
-Km 16.5: Knee has been hurting; decide to walk it off
-Km 16.7: Cannnn't start running again. Like, I'd do 3 strides and have no control- my legs would just stop. After 10 tries, I finally get going again. Pretty slowly
-Km 19: Feeling good enough to pick it up. Got back to the pace that I probably started at
-Km 20.1? Somebody yells out "ONE LEFT!" No sign though.
-400m to go. SERIOUSLY? THAT IS THE LONGEST DISTANCE IMAGINABLE. 400 METRES WILL NEVER END.

FINISHED! (last 6.1km was 45:13. Yikes!)

I can't wait to do another half! A full marathon might be in the cards eventually, but half is such a great distance! You should do one too!