Hilare Videos I've Been Saving Up For You

First up in today's episode of HVIBSUFY, some picnic face!



A link to a movie, My Kid Could Paint That.

Some Flight of the Concords



Bit O Bo Burnham (expand details for lyrics)



Japanese Tetris

glumbert - Japanese Tetris

Favourite Age

Age is more than just a number, isn't it?

Okay you have a time machine and you MUST use it. Or else be shot in the head or something. Only it's broken and can only go backwards. It's also broken because once you go back, you have to live in that year FOREVER. When you go back you have that age's body, but your current brain.

Basically, if you had to stay at one age (an age that you've been) forever... what age would that be?

For me, it's grade 11. That was a great year. I got to choose all my courses, there wasn't much stress about getting into university yet.. it was all about having fun. I was captain of some sports teams and in amazing physical shape. Improv was going SO WELL (although if there was one night in my entire life that I could re-do, it would be Toronto improv finals circa grade 11. Sigh). Of course, then Jack would only be a baby and since I love him more every day, that means I must have loved him less when he was a baby. That would suck. But it'd be worth it for my 5k time.

Okay new scenario. Now it can only got FORWARDS (again, at least 2 years). Choose an age you haven't yet experienced.

What's the age you're most looking forward to?

For me, I'd have to say high 20s. I expect to be making lots of money, and I'll definitely not have any kids by then. So I'll just buy expensive race gear, go on cool trips, get facials whenever I want them, and stay up late eating fancy delicious ice cream. Oh, deluxe.

What are your most fantastic ages, going back and then going forwards in time?

Themed Parties

I'm trying to convince my friends to throw a good party. My apartment isn't set up well for rockin' times with large crowds so I need to do it at other people's houses. I like theme parties. A LOT.

I've heard of "favourite fictional character" which is the best idea I know of, really.

Other good ones "pirates and wenches", "golf pros and tennis hoes", "CEOs and office hoes", "Rock stars and groupies"... etc (my reaction is always like "YES I LOVE DRESSING LIKE A PIRA- what? I have to be a wench? This is dumb. I'm not going. Fine I'll go if I can be a pirate. Ah-thanks."

The most successfully executed theme party I ever went to was "Trailer Trash". We all made up alter-egos (Left to right: Lurlene who was the ring leader of the high school, who's dad perhaps owned the trailer park, Gwendolyn who had bigger aspirations and couldn't wait to go to college to get out of this place, Sally-Jo, the perpetually angry lesbian, and Mik, the all around average girl)Yes that's a belly top. And yes those are road runner shorts.Check out my sweet tats.What has your favourite dress up party ever been? (And is it okay if I steal your idea?)

Love your Body?

All those Dove "Love Your Body" ads are great and all. Let me start by saying that.

But really? Should everybody really love their body?

"Love your body"- that's great. LOVE your body. If you love something you treat it right. Like exercising, getting enough nutrients, stretching, not eating junk, sleeping enough- those are good ways to treat your body right.

But people seem to, hmm... misinterpret the message of "love you body". They take it as "accept your body as it is". And this is where I'm picking a fight. Obesity is a HUGE issue. (no pun intended). It's an epidemic. Obesity kills more people than eating disorders. Think about that. I'm not saying we should all strive for unrealistic or unhealthy bodies. But somebody saying "I love my body" while eating a bag of chips and drinking Coke... that's laughable.

I feel like whenever I say things like "no really, fat people should lose weight." that people get angry at me, and accuse me of buying into the body image that the media wants us to. But isn't the healthy body weight for females like 18-23%? So... why doesn't everybody over 23% stop "loving their body" and instead put down the chocolate bar and do some squats? Just sayin'...

We can't all be tall, or blue eyed, or not-stubby-fingered. But we CAN all be healthy and fit.

What are your views on overweight people?

Engineering Girls

There are only six girls in my entire engineering class. One is leaving next term and the other doesn't really like talking to other people. So for all intents and purposes, there are four girls.

So what would you do if you were an incredible minority? Why, wear pink shirts and jean skirts, and have a picnic in the front row, OF COURSE!(To my non-Canadian readers:Note the Tim Hortons cups/wrappers. Delish!)

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Sorry for the no-post yesterday. I had a day 100% jam packed with class, intramural soccer, and going home for a visit. And it is that visit home that this post is about.

Jack. That brother of mine is absolutely hilarious (previous posts about him: here, here, here, here, and here). He's also really smart and picks up on things really quickly. He's hilariously socially developed (as in, he talks down to children, and talks like an equal to adults). His newest trait is being amazing at memorizing song lyrics.

When I got home yesterday, Jack and I were lying on the couch discussing if we like his teacher or not. Then I started asking about if he has any crushes because it's hilarious when he does. I guess this isn't something he wanted to talk about so he grabbed my face in his hands, looked me right in the eye, and started singing that Snow Patrol song, Chasing Cars. "If I just laaaay here..." (listen)

I helped him with his homework later ("It says cut out which pictures start with the letter A and glue them in the squares. So lets see... apple. Hmm. aaaa-ple. Does that start with an A, Jack?" "Yeah and so does alligator and axe but not net, that's an n. Where are the scissors?") As he chopped away at the paper my mom quizzed him in addition (he can do all the way up to 10+10 now). It's too bad because she later said that his favourite song to sing while he cuts is "pictures of you. pictures of me" (listen)

He loves webkinz. He has a hippo named Hippy Hip and a frog named Freddie. When it was time for his bed he first tucked HH and F in. Then he wouldn't move until I "clicked" him around as if he were a webkin and I was navigating him. "Click up the stairs. Click brush your teeth". He loved it.

Rob and Jack both love it when I sing a made up opera song for them. You know, all "O Sole-o mio". They both howl in laughter when I go for a high note. They can't get enough of it.

Then Jack requested a second "lullaby". The Fray's, "How to Save a Life". I didn't know many lyrics to the song- but don't worry, he knew them so he taught me. Then I had to sing it again (this time without prompting) as I rubbed his back. Then we had a talk called "When Laura gets married, is she still my sister?" and "Do you think Laura loves Jeremiah more than me?"

He is such a funny boy.

Rilo Kiley Conert

Nobody wants to hear a concert recap about a band they don't know or don't like. (For those of you who both know and like Rilo Kiley: IT WAS AWESOME. I have a girl crush on Jenny Lewis).

When in line to get in, we played the game where you check out a crowd and have to guess the range, average, and mode age, and male to female ratio of fellow concert goers. We answered: 17-45 (later raised to 65 when a drunk man appeared to spill beer and hit on Stephanie and I. Nas-T), 27 (due to a spike of mid-high 30 year olds), 22, and 60:40.

We had been worried about what to wear to the concert since the last one we went to together (Dashboard Confessional) was quite the episode. We were just wearing regular clothes- probably 80% American Eagle- and EVERY other attendee was 14 years old with side bangs that cover one eye, polka dotted tank top, tight jeans, and converse allstars. We didn't fit in. But Rilo Kiley likers are more subdued- we fit in nicely this time.

The Venue was The Phoenix in Toronto. It's all like black and red decor and maybe slightly gothic, huge open area with a higher level that had seating. Black pillars, red walls. And three GIANT Jesus pictures. One was questionable- a blonde woman holding a baby wrapped in swaddleing blankets or whatever, in a potentially manger-esque headquarters. The other two were CLEARLY JESUS. One of him dead (or sleeping?) and one of him with a bright light behind his back with his arms stretched out. It was kind of weird, actually.

Anyway there were two opening acts. First listen to my friends' band, the Shady J's. (Myspace, Official site). Got a feel for their sound? A glance of their look? A casual extrapolation towards what their personalities might be like? Now check out Jonathan Rice (Myspace, Official). EERILY SIMILAR, NO? Then we got to sing along to (click view video) . So- I like him.

There was lots of great people watching including a bunch of greying, balding men. An awkward mom with her awkward daughters. An over zealous head banger. Our personal favourite was this one couple that we spent quite a while trying to extrapolate. The woman had definitely thought to herself "well, I guess I should wear my practical heels" and the man was trying to pull off the "Oh hey. yeah, just came from work. Check out my cazsh* wind breaker overtop my unbuttoned collar shirt. Oh hey." I wasn't convinced. We tried to imagine what would entice them to attend. She looked imaginably-cool enough to like them- was he awkwardly tagging along? Or had he heard from his step-nephew about this cool band, so he "Oh hey. Want to see this really cool band? I'm cool, which is why I know about them" to his girlfriend?

Other than drunk man, the worst person at the concert was Giant Girl. I kid you not she was at least 6 foot 8. 6'10" is believable. AND SHE WAS WEARING HEELS! Hey good on you for loving your height but seriously you are more than a foot taller than me. You already have the best view in the house. And where did she stand? DIRECTLY in front of Stephanie. Like as in, Steph's nose grazed her lower back. Giant Girl swiveled a couple of times to make sure she wasn't blocking anybody's view- I guess Stephanie was so small (and right behind her) that she didn't even register as a blip on the radar!

Anyway. If you don't know Rilo Kiley (she goes single as Jenny Lewis sometimes), you should watch these.
Silver Lining

Arms Outstretched (one of my faves)

Breakin' Up (I love her)


*Cazsh= the short form for casual. Can you spell it any better?

(I really need to work on titling my posts better.)

Terrifying Self Reflection

In one of Mighty Girl's posts, she recently gave the piece of advice:

To choose a spouse, find someone who is flawlessly kind but has an incredibly strong backbone. See also: Marry him only if you will be proud when your child turns out just like him.

My friend Matt also once told me he lives by:

Be the person you want your (as of yet, unborn) kids to be.

I'm sorry, but are those not the most overwhelmingly terrifying pieces of advice you've ever heard?

I bet I could garner at least a grand...

“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!"

WOW! WOW, you say! I am trying to marry my daughter off. What service can help me?

Why Marry Our Daughter!

100% Legal!

My favourite might be Courtney at the bottom of this page. And at only 50k? She's a steal of a deal! My friend Andrew suggests we go dutch and when it's my turn with her, I keep her in my dorm as a tiny little chef. Thirteen is a ripe old age.

The part I like best of this website is the giant ENGAGED stamp that goes over their face when they accept a proposal.

The cheapest, at only $5,995, is 16 year old Cheyenne. "We’re a Christian family and Cheyenne has had trouble with unchristian desires although at heart we know she's a good Christian girl. She needs a husband with STRONG Christian values who will provide her a STRONG Christian home and help her to live a godly life."

Hey if Kristen is getting 50k, why can't I? "Kristin has a wild streak. She likes parties and has spent more time with boys than we’d have liked her to. We had a family talk and decided that it was time she settled down with a man who could meet her needs and help her fulfill her dreams of being an actor or singer. She’s a bit fiery but worth it."

If you were to write one of these for yourself, what would it say?

People I like (part 4 of an ongoing series)

There is a girl named Gillian who I like quite a bit. She blogs here. You should read her blog. Gillian lives in New York. In fact, she lives in Brooklyn. In fact, she lives in Park Slope. In fact, she lived about 5 doors down from my apartment (back when I lived in NY). The above picture is of us at our nearest subway station. I think we were on our way to a Bastille Day rooftop party.

Gillian and I are very similar people. We both grew up in Southern Ontario and went to the same university (though, she graduated before I was even in high school). Gillian has done triathlons, but now is all about marathons. We'd go running together often at the park near our apartments- handily enough we're near the same speed! This is after a 10k race (she got hit on by another running in a hilarious fashion)For all the people in New York, it's a lonely place. I probably would have had a really bummer of a summer had it not been for Gillian. I mean, come on. Monday night movie night? (Hits like: Bring it On, Josie and the Pussycats, Adventures in Babysitting, Charlie's Angel's). We went to a Weakerthans concert (See picture below- ON A BOAT). If either of us was in an even slightly bad mood, we'd have a LOT of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Even some good American fun at a Cyclones game! (bottom image)I really don't know what I would have done if I didn't have Gillian at work, either. Sometimes we'd get a snack to while away the 3pm blues, or go see try and spot some hilarious model shoot. (Our office is right by the Brooklyn Bridge with beautiful views of the city- commercials GALORE are shot there).

I've moved away from good old Gillian which sort of sucks particularly because I'm terrible at "keeping in touch" because it always feels forced. It probably stems from the fact that whenever I try to update my mom on something she doesn't really listen, so what's the point in updating anybody on anything? Anyway- let's save that for therapy. During my first term in New York (fall 2006), Gillian and I weren't good friends yet. The last time I saw her before departing back to school she told me that she had a strong inclination that we were going to become BFFs in the future. (I was kind of awkward at that- since she was my boss at the time. Yes, Gillian interviewed and hired me, way back when) I didn't 100% believe her but she was totally right! So, this time I think I am justified to predict an eventual re-BFF-ing... if either I go back to NY or if Gillian... comes back to do her masters?!?!?! We'll see!
Others in the People I Like Series: Tigakeen, Justus, Ali.

Juno

Alright this movie not only has Jennifer Garner and Rainn Wilson, but the trailer features my favourite Moldy Peaches song.

It's about a pregnant teen trying to give her baby up for adoption. But except that it looks kind of funny. Quirky, maybe. Like Little Miss Sunshine, I think. Anyway- I'll definitely see it.

It's called Juno and Rotten Tomatoes is at 100%. That never happens. Check it out. (Trailer here)

Fruits and Vegetables

An article in a recent edition of Runner's World told me I should try to each 5 differently coloured fruits every day.

THIS IS MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT SEEMS.

Laura and I first had trouble just listing 5 differently coloured fruits. We had yellow (bananas, pineapples, squash, lemons), orange (oranges, mangoes, peaches, nectarines, pumpkin), red (cranberries, tomatoes, apples, strawberries, raspberries, cherries, rhubarb, watermelon, pomegranates), green (kiwi, granny smith apples, pears, green grapes, lime), blue (blue berries), purple (grapes, plum), pink (grapefruit).

That sounds like a lot, right? Well try eating 5 that are all different colours. Can't do it? Me neither. Now try eating just 5- regardless of colour. Still a stretch.

Okay, now think back to yesterday. Did you even manage to get in 5 fruits and vegetables combined? HARDLY.

Yesterday the fruits and vegetables I ate were: 1 banana, 1 red pepper, 1 nectarine, a bunch of dried cranberries, and a blueberry yogurt- if that counts. The day before was even worse with 1 banana, 1 apple, a bunch of raspberries, and some snow peas! AM I REALLY THAT UNHEALTHY?

FIVE! Five is suddenly a lot. Just to make sure I'm not on the brink of scurvy- how many fruits and vegetables do YOU eat ever day?

Registries

As my engaged sister selected silverware, Stephanie and I pondered, "At what point does a person purchase expensive dinnerware sets for their pointedly single life?"

Just because you get married doesn't mean you'll suddenly turn domestic and require obscure kitchen utilities like avocado slicers, cathedral cake pans, or 6 different bowl sets-of-4 so that, heaven forbid, you don't eat your on-sale-this-week-only Special K with red berries out of the same vessel as your store brand Chicken and Rice soup. Unless of course you've always wanted a marble mortar and pestle (what do you even use those for?) and you could just never afford it or something. I see registries as an opportune time to finally get matching cutlery because food really does taste better if you knife and fork match. That's not the point of this post, though.

Let's say you, through personal stance or circumstance, find yourself not about to get married any time soon.

We can talk about the injustice of only celebrating CERTAIN life decisions. Like you throw wedding showers and baby showers but never "you've decided not to marry!" or "children aren't your thing- that's fine!" showers. I think an episode of Sex and the City covered this well. But that discussion will only get me riled up, and we won't come to any conclusions anyway.

Q: When does somebody "give up" (quote Stephanie) and just go and buy their own 500 thread count sheets and matching duvet cover for their brand new down duvet?

My Answer: as soon as they can afford it
Stephanie's answer: as soon as they find some permanence (i.e., not in school, i.e., they can afford it).
Your Answer:

Blogs to Love

I'm always searching for new blogs to love.

I currently read around 50 ranging from perennial favourites like Dooce and xkcd, to perennially superficial heavy hitters like Perez Hilton, The Superficial, and Go Fug Yourself. I love me some celeb gossip.

My geekier side added Mashable, Lifehacker and Jacks Of Science to my RSS.

Ashley was a sweet find off Blogher, because she lead me to Clink who lead me to Peter and Molly who lead me to OneBigHoliday and just yesterday Looks How the World Shines. I think that's how it went.

Somehow AJ found me and through her I found Amy and M (the details are getting blurry). Somewhere along the way Michelle and I started reading each others blogs, too. My sister told me about Rachel.

The jokesters at Humor Blogs showed me the wonders of Diesel, The Ominous Comma, The Frogster, Dan, Crummy Church Signs.

This could get crazy. I'll totally forget somebody if I list the other 30 or so blogs I read daily so lets leave it at this: I love reading blogs. But it is HARD to find other really good ones! I've tried Indie Bloggers (which is amazing- but I've already looked through EVERYBODY on that site), Cre8buzz, Blogher... All those sorts of sites make you categorize yourself. Like on cre8buzz. Am I "women"? I guess so, unless I'm "friends". I'm not any of their 8 cycling categories. Surely if you're going to have like 20 different CARS as categories you can separate "women" down a little further?

I've decided a generic label that applies to me is 20-something. There are some 20 somethings still in school, some working full time, some traveling. Some single, some married, some vigorously dating. I feel like that is a label that fits, you know?

Anyway, a while ago I created a ning community for 20-somethings. It doesn't have much of a community feel yet... hopefully more people can join. Even if we don't make it a community, at least it can be a nice area to collect a blog roll on people in their twenties. So go ahead and join if its a label that fits you, too! And link to it off your blog!

Visit Twenty Something Bloggers

Also, if you read my blog but never comment- leave your URL in the comments now so I can start reading yours too!

How to find my blog, part 2

Lots of people seem to find my blog by searching for tips on new apartment supply buying, interlocking fingers, babysitting games, and email break ups. But there are some of you who deserve special mention.

Virtual Dentist Game
Yeah, I can just NEVER get enough of the dentist game while I'm AT the actual office! What's a girl to do? Hmmm, maybe there is a VIRTUAL dentist game!

"more feminine" every day "breasts"
First, good use of quotations! Also, to address your query- which I assuming is asking how to use your breasts to feel more feminine every day- I'll look to my readers. (Comment away)

lisa swallows blogs
Though I do enjoy blogs... actually, I'm stopping here.

do i have a case i was fired because i was to slow and my boss hated me
No, you don't. Sorry.

girls peeing on soccer field
When you gotta go, you gotta go.

i am a girl, am i going through puberty
I'd need a few more details to accurately answer that question. However, since I can only imagine a 12 year old girl typing that into google, I vote to the affirmative.

i want see boobs but i am a girl
"but"...? Sorry, but isn't the second half of that sentence the solution to the first?

love my shoes
Okay, I will. Can I see them first? What was this searcher trying to uncover?

sister rubbing on my leg
My sister occasionally rubs my leg. I don't think its anything to ask google about.

Seriously... some people's internet usage!

The New Girl(s)

In engineering, the girls are scarce.

Mechanical engineering is down. Way down. Once at a booming 15% female population (1996 first year population), our numbers have dwindled to 6% (2006 first year stats). You know things are bad when even the computer engineers have more girls.

My class has six girls. Though, not going to lie, we're a pretty normal bunch (no unibrows, fairly fashionable attire, neutral or agreeable scent) I guess we've become old hat. My salad days of enjoying a near monopoly on the guys in my class seem to be over. I was recently described as "one of the guys" which I took offense for a second until I realized the veracity of the statement.

We got about 8-10 new guys in the class- those who failed out last year and have been given another chance by being allowed to join my class. Now who fails 2B? The dumb ones all fail out in first year, so if you make it to 2B you've got smarts. You can really only fail if you party too much to study. And if you party too much you're probably decently good looking or at least fun to hang around with. But did these 8-10 probably good looking definitely fun guys sitting in the back of the class capture my attention? Negative.

WE GOT A NEW GIRL YESTERDAY. She entered with a guy and sat in the third row. The class erupted in whispers. Now I personally thought she looked a little skankalicious but that distaste was ebbed away by the fact that we have A NEW GIRL!! Pretty much everybody was starring at her. My friend Mike pointed out that I was more interested in the new girl than any of the American Eagle boys in the back row... and that's when I realized I might as well be labeled "one of the guys" for all the inter-class dating I am interested in. Anyway, The Girl then she checked her time table (frosh, since clearly nobody other than first years carry around a print out) and embarrassingly got up and left with the guy she came in with. That's right, she was in the wrong class.

One of my class makes stood up out of his chair and shook both fists disparagingly towards the heavens.

We all returned to the hum drum of thermodynamics or whatever with a collective sigh. BUT then today we got ANOTHER GIRL! And she doesn't look skankalicious! In fact, she looks like a potential candidate to fulfill the "Lisa's friend that is a girl and lives in Waterloo and isn't graduating this spring" role! The fist waggler from yesterday confirmed that indeed, she was looking for ME 222 (I guess he didn't want to open his heart too soon this time). She is! Alrighhhht! New girls!

Back to Class

"Just feel free to lean back, clooose your eyes, and shout out anything that comes to your head" says my Microprocessors and Digital Logic prof.

My class has a reputation. For being dumb. We are continually told by our professors that we are setting new records for low midterm averages, for non-participation, and fail rate. We started in first year with 98 and I think now we're in the 60s. Thats like a 30% fail rate.

Anyway, it seems most of my profs were warned at how dumb our class is, so they gave us good scare talks "YOU NEED TO STUDY", or more liked "I REE-COMMEND TO YOU TO STUDY". It seems the Digital Logic prof wasn't warned though, because the poor guy just kept trying to get us to participate. But come on, even if you're reviewing grade 10 material, you don't have to tell us to close our eyes and shout something out. Seriously.

I'm in my 4th of 8 school terms. Or 3rd of 5 years. Whichever way you prefer to look at it. My program (mechanical engineering) makes you do 4 months of school, then 4 months working, 4 months school, 4 months work. Etc. In case you're really interested:

Fall 2005: School (1A)
Winter 2006: Work
Summer 2006: School (1B)
Fall 2006: Work
Winter 2007: School (2A)
Summer 2007: Work
Fall 2007: School (2B)
Winter 2008: Work
Summer 2008: School (3A)
Fall 2008: Work
Winter 2009: School (3B)
Summer 2009: Work
Fall 2009: School (4A)
Winter 2010: School (4B- graduate!)

I'm going to try not to become one of those bloggers who goes on an on about their school work. Those are more irritating than those bloggers who go on and on about their kids! But, just to give you the information you need to keep up with the I:tg, here are my courses

Introduction to Microprocessors and Digital Logic (nickname TBD)
Ordinary Differential Equations (ODE)
Thermodynamics 1 (Thermo)
Mechanics of Deformable Solids 2 (MODS)
Dynamics

My question for you: what was your FAVOURITE course you ever took in college/uni and why?

The Tri turned Duathlon

This past Saturday was supposed to be my second triathlon- but due to crazy waves they turned it into a duathlon. That kind of sucks because run-bike-run is totally different from swim-bike-run. Different warm up, different transition... different breakfast that morning! And we didn't know until we got there.

The first run, 5k, was slower than I thought it'd be. I suck at pacing for 5 kilometers, and it wasn't something I thought I needed to practice TOO much for this race, since I thought the 5km run portion would be the finisher, and I'd just go all out. So I was trying to be a little bit conservative, to save energy for the bike and second run portion. I ended up being a minute and a half slower than I thought, but oh well. There was a far amount of sand running, too. WHICH SUCKS. The first transition went well, so, on to the bike!I was riding my sister's boyfriend's bike and they are some sweet wheels. We had done about an hour of biking on Thursday so I could get used to the feel of it. It was a different clipless system than I was used too. I fell off once while practice getting in and out of them, but no big deal. I had never tried using aero bars before, so it took me a while to find enough balance to hover one hand at a time to get forward enough to even reach my gears. The Thursday ride was good in terms of making me feel comfortable to race in his bike. BUT the seat was different from what I was used to and on Friday when I took the bike for a relaxing spin- I was really sore. And on race day? Still really sore. Like sore just to sit on the saddle. I will not go into anatomical details but it was painful, everyone.I ended up finishing the bike portion in about 2 minutes faster than I expected! The 10km turn around point came up way sooner than I expected, so I feel like I could have even gone faster. Drinking water while riding a bike is difficult. Reaching for the water bottle is also a challenge. The turnaround point was a really quick turn. I was nervous approaching it- and then the girl infront of me FELL! Luckily I unsnapped my foot in time- but she was really bloody!

At the end of the bike there is a no pass zone for about 200 metres. There was somebody gaining on me as we entered the zone so she started encouraging me to go faster so she wouldn't have to break. We then caught up to the person infront of me- and started cheering for her to keep at it. It was a pretty big no pass zone, really. Even though the bike was the section I felt best about, it was the one that I actually ended up placing lowest at. (With my best portion being the final run)T2 was pretty good, again. It sucked having to untie the running shoes from the when I pulled them off during T1. And then the final 2.5km run was pretty good- again, shorter than I thought. So... sort of uneventful race report. This was the final tri for the season, but next up: half marathon!!

(Read all about my first tri)

Guest Blogger: The room incident

Next guest blogger, my old roommate, Tigakeen!

A question I often ask myself is: Of all the things that happen to me, at what point can I say I brought them upon myself? Sometimes I question if the world is just out to get me - I think it may be.

I have an impressive repertoire of outrageous happenings: Back of my skirt tucked up under my knapsack - exposed, car windows smashed in, backing into parked cars, living with a ‘homeless’ woman….who I saw naked.... a lot of good ones. One in particular stands out though, let me now present to you: The Room Incident

I had a surprisingly relaxing summer. Living in Glen Williams, the pace of life…is well…rather slow. Working in an art gallery and living just a hop and skip away in an apartment above an artist’s studio seemed to do the trick. Things were really artsy. I considered wearing a beret at one point. Maybe I considered it more than once…

Just as things were going smoothly, fate stepped it:

Living alone, I don’t shut the door to my room, or any door for that matter. In addition, nudity is no longer a noun, but a lifestyle.

However for some reason, on this particular night, I decided to shut my bedroom door. I woke up early because of the sound of the rain and decide to go to the bathroom. I try to turn the knob…NO DICE! It’s spinning and not opening. While doing a little ‘pee dance’ on the spot, I decide the best bet is to start yelling for help (hopefully my landlords who live next door will hear me). They leave early for work- its now or never! ‘HELP…I’m locked in my bedroom!’ I stop, think about what I just yelled…pathetic…and yell it again.

Next plan of action is to take the hinges off the door, seems logical. High heels prove to be a useful tool. SWEET, I got the top hinge out! But OH…of course the bottom one is stuck. I forget about having to go to the bathroom.

Plan B: pop out the screen in my window and make a rooftop escape and crawl down the tree at the end of the roof…again, reasonable. As I have my nose pressed up against the screen, looking for an escape root I catch a glimpse of my landlord changing in the bathroom next door. I tried my best to catch my neighbour at his finest - ‘John, John…help!’ He can’t hear me yelling and then leaves for work. I look out longingly as I see the car lights pull out of the driveway.

Plan C: Time to start banging on the wall. Let me just clarify that I was banging on the wall with my hands for a while…but now that they are sore, alternative measures must be taken. My flashlight seems like a good plan. 1 bang…and 1 minor dent in the wall. In a state of seemingly intense clarity, I take off my pajama bottoms and wrap my flashlight in them - in order to not make marks while pounding on the wall. Only in emergency situations do my pants come off. This is a survival situation. I’m only in a room full of clothes.

Now with my energy dwindling, pantsless and little hope for rescue I decided to take a brief nap. Ya…a nap. I yell for help while lying down.

But then…I heard the sounds I thought I’d never hear, ‘Tigakeen? Are you up there!?’ Oh it’s Susan!! ‘SUSAN, HELP I’m locked in my roooooom!’ Door hinges fly and Susan and her son save me. I put on my pajama pants just in time.

Susan later mentions that she heard some yelling as she was in and out of sleep. Really Susan? Strange. She heard specifically something reminiscent of ‘John, John…I’m locked in my room!’

What a mess. A few weeks ago, when a bat swooped directly towards my face out of NO WHERE and dropped out of mid air onto my deck - I couldn't be too surprised. Perhaps if I had taken my pants off, the situation could have been prevented.

Maybe the events that happen to me, I do bring upon myself. Maybe I look like I’m asking for it! I don’t think I’d have it any other way.

Guest Blogger: A Bathroom Confession

Since I'll be unable to post Thurs, and Fri, I asked the two most witty and intelligent non-blogger friends that I have to post for me. These are two people that I STRONGLY believe should be blogging- but for some reason they won't!

So first up, today's guest blogger post is my friend Erin.

This is my first post of any sort. I thought I'd start off strong – maybe share something ridiculous about myself?…Here goes.

Guys, I'm 20, and I haven't sat down on a toilet seat for about 7 years. (By the way I'm a girl, and NO, I don't attempt peeing in the male stance, thanks for asking)

7 YEARS! Don't ask me why…but the other week while I was doing my quad-daily 'hover', I thought about this ridiculous habit of seat-abstinence and I did a quick mental estimation of the time since the last time my butt and the seat were united and ...felt strangely proud.

Why this started…numerous reasons that added up and contributed off and on in sustaining this practice:

1. I have 3 little brothers.
I'm lazy. I didn't want to clean the 'pee dribble' off the seat. Yeah, I understand that you can just wipe it…but is it really off? HELL NO. You need to get some solution and appliance/cloth and actually wipe that mess up!

2. Toilet Snakes/Lobsters.
No joke…I think I saw a movie once where there was a snake in the plumbing. It definitely made it's way up and sunk fangs into the unsuspecting, peeing victim. What better way to avoid this situation than to get out of snap-range? Perfect sense!

3. Crabs (not the animal!)
I swear. I learned all through high school in numerous sex-ed classes that you can, indeed, get pubic lice from toilet seats! Brutal. I mean…isn't everyone suspicious about the toilet's previous customer? Don't even tell me that you don't at least CONSIDER lining the toilet seat with toilet paper when a serious hygiene-questionable looking user comes out of a stall you are waiting for. You don't? Riiiiiiiiight.

4. No splash-back.
I'm not going to explain this one. Kinda goes along with Reason 2 where you get out of range… Pretty convenient.

5. Amazing Quads.
My legs are now just THAT strong. Think about those key times where you really wish you could hover, but the legs just can't help you out for the length of time needed. Raunchy outhouses…questionable looking seats in sketch public washrooms. The ones where there are random scraps of toilet paper on the seat and strewn on the floor. This makes peeing while camping/hiking pretty easy.

Alright…so maybe I can only sooooort of justify it…

Anyone have any quirky bathroom behavior? Talk to themselves through things in the mirror? (A friend of mine used to do that! No Joke! Weirdest and funniest thing to walk in on…ever…just picture that awkward situation!)

RaM 1: Sad Soccer Stickers

I think eventually I will write a sort of memoir. I mean, some times have been pretty ridic. Cheaper by the Dozen made it big, no? Anyway, to aid in the eventual casting of the movie they make of my life, I thought I'd start recording random moments in my life. Don't you ever suddenly, startlingly get pulled back into a moment? I often see them with SUCH clarity that it feels awkward to get pulled back into the real time moment. So, the first in the "Relive a Moment" Series,

Age: 10

Setting: a soccer field. Off to the side, having a post game team meeting. Another game has already started on that field, as parents hover near the parking lot waiting to drive us home. An ice-cream vendor on a bike also hangs around, knowing that if he rings the bells, 17/18 girls on the team will ask for ice cream, and 17/18 will get some. (I, of course, am the exception. Riding my bike home, with no parents to buy me soft-serve). The girls on the team sit around the coach. All the girls have matching bags and water bottles, in dark green. The water bottles are all decorated with silver star shaped stickers. Some girls have only a few, some have all but run out of places to stick them. The stickers are awarded during post game meetings to players who made amazing plays in the game.

Characters: a coach (J), a team full of some of the meanest girls I have ever met, including one in particular, the right forward (B). B is one of the girls with like, fifty stickers adorning her bottle. B is one of the anti-Lisa ring leaders on the team. J was always fascinated by my smarts- like when I said the reason eating too many oranges at half time made your tummy hurt was because of the acid. Or one time when he needed to do 7X9, and said it was 58. I corrected him, and he didn't believe me until he got a calculator. After that, J often asked me random math questions and he and the other coach would shake their head in wonder at my speed and accuracy. This of course did not make a favourite amoung the other girls. We had an all team sleepover where they made me and the goalie cry several times throughout the course of the night. (The goalie was also in the gifted program at school).

J: So this week, since we've been practicing give and gos, I'll give a sticker to anybody who had a successful give-go. Who did?
Girl 1: Me and girl 2!
J: Here is a sticker for you, and one for girl 2. Anyone else?
Girl 3: Me and girl 4!
J: Here you go, good work? Any others?
Me: B and I did one right at the start of the second half.
J: Mmm, I don't remember that.
B: Yeah I meant to pass it to girl 5, but it sort of just hit off your shin pad and back to me. It wasn't a give and go.
Me: Are you saying it wasn't intentional?
J: It just hit off you
B: It just hit off you
J: Nobody else then?

I remember feeling guilty for asking for a sticker. I had only two and I can tell you really specifically what they are from. I didn't play much on that team, and would often only get to go on when everybody else was tired or on vacation.

In the Ontario Cup semi-finals, it was 0-0 vs. our nemesis team. Our centre midfield needed a break and our bencher who would normally go on for her was away on holiday, so I went. I was given a stern warning not to mess up. I got a beautiful goal from way outside the 18 yard box. Unassisted- I got it off their captain, dribbled a bit, and did a beautiful kick, soaring right over the goalie's head. We won 1-0. There wasn't much fanfare, but I did receive a sticker.

In another game, actually the finals to the Ontario Cup, I was playing because it was a really hot day and lots of people were tired. One girl was ready to get back on though, and I was covering her position. You're only allowed to make substitutions on goals or goal kicks, though. It had been a while without either. At a break in play for somebody to chase after a ball for a throw in, J told me to fake an injury so that the girl could get back on. I did, at the next oppourtunity. The other team's coach smelled a fish and asked me what was wrong. I said I had asthma and a really sore knee. I received a sticker for it.

Luckily I only played for that team for one year. The next season I played at a less competitive level, winning MVP at most tournaments. J's team went on to win Nationals a couple times over the next couple of years. Eventually, a new coach took over and I was asked to try out for a starting position on the team- I just couldn't.

Sorry this post ended up being so sad and whiny. I promise there are plenty of more happy memories that we can relive on this blog. This is just the moment that I had most recently remembered. Next time: cheers and laughter!

Cars and Cameras

I let Rob and Jack, my two youngest brothers, use my digital camera for an hour while I was visiting them. There are some great ones... but take a look at these.

Rob: Jack, let me take a picture of something. Hey pick up that car. My brother holding a car- that's classic!
Jack: I'll be a good sport about this, but only because my shirt says my name. And nothing else my mother has ever done for me compares with when she purchases Jack shirts (Seriously. He has a couple)Jack: Well then I get to take one of you! Lets keep with the car ideaJack: Robbie, weren't the first 17 pictures of me holding a car good enough? Seriously, how many?Once the car idea was exhausted (like, twenty frames later), Robbie turned to selfies. There were PLENTY. All with this exact same face. Those boys are such characters. They crack me up. If you've never met them, you are unfortunate.

Linens vs Leadership

I don't know how this started. Student Council was having a leadership workshop. At one point we had to get into groups to discuss what being a leader in the community means- or whatever.

I don't quite remember how we got on the topic. I know the phrase "bedding the frosh" was brought up- in jest, don't worry. It probably stemmed from a stern look, prompting somebody in my discussion group to stammer "Bedding.. Bed... beds.. LINEN". Which of course prompted this list:

Ways in which Linens and Leadership are similar
-Good ones help you sleep better at night
-Both start with L
-Aid in the making of love
-Used to listening to gentle sobbing
-Warm and cozy
-At Grebel they're white (YIKES)
-Quality can be judged by thread count
-If they're no good, you can burn them
-Dirty at motels

Can you think of any others?

Grocery shopping outside of New York

Back in the old days when I used to live in New York (i.e., last week) the biggest thing I missed about Southern Ontario was grocery stores. I believe this post by Brianna shouts out enough to all the wonder of aisles wide enough for 3 carts, and piles of apples so large you wonder if the ones at the bottom ever get bought. I miss that decadence.

Everybody always says its soooo expensive to live in New York. My thoughts on that were always that yeah, rent is rather steep, but, settle down.

I just got back from grocery shopping. My first grocery shopping trip since returning to Waterloo.

HOLY COW.

EVERYTHING WAS SO CHEAP. Right at the front were peaches for a really good price so I was filling a bag with them until I noticed royal gala apples at 79 cents a lb (I've been paying like 1.50 all summer) so I start stocking my cart with them until I notice broccoli is only 75cents (instead of the 1.99 of NY). My eyes are now darting all over the place. Then I catch sight of the red peppers. 67 cents per lb! I've raaaarely seen them for under 2.49. That is 3.7 times more. I could buy almost 4 for the price of 1 in New York!

As I gaped at these savings, I suddenly realized I was the only one with such excitement. I wanted to tap the nearest person in the produce section and say "EXCUSE ME I NOTICED YOU HAVEN'T FILLED EIGHT CARTS WITH RED PEPPERS. IS THIS BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED HOW CHEAP THEY ARE? BECAUSE SERIOUSLY!"

And that was just produce. I started getting light headed in the cereal aisle. Luckily the price of milk kept me grounded. How could it be more expensive? OH because different volumes! Quarts vs Litres! We win after all! AND HELLO LOOK AT FROZEN ENTRES! THESE ARE SO CHEAP I WILL BUY YOU ONE. MISS, YOO HOO, YEAH, YOU, I WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE THESE FOR YOU SINCE YOU SEEM NOT TO NOTICE THEM OR SOMETHING. BECAUSE IT IS INCONCEIVABLE THAT YOU WOULD SEE THIS PRICE AND WALK ON BY.

However. I then spent like fifty dollars and had to bike back. Rats. Next time- when I have a car. You better watch out! I'll buy enough to ship out to all my New York friends! Because holy cow!

Blogging as a quantifier

Wow, okay I guys, I get it. I miss ONE weekday and I lose 9 subscribers. I'm sorry, okay!

I'm totally obsessed with my blog stats. I bet a lot of you are, too, so let me share with you some of my favourite tools. I totally use these to quantify how cool I am...

1. Feedburner... lets you how many people are subscribed to your blog. This is fun when it rises, but often it drops for NO REASON and then gains them all back slowly over the next couple of days. Were nine of you SO upset by my lack of Thursday post that you decided to drop out entirely? Please, where is the loyalty?

2. Spotplex... graphs of hits updated hourly. Also fun is you can see your all-time most viewed articles. Mine is the one about the Brooklyn Tornado, which got 200 more hits than the second ranking.

3. Lijit. Did I mention how much I like graphs? This widget reads the searches people use to find your blog. Every week I get an email telling me how people found me that week (so much fun. Also, often incredibly creepy.) or the actual site tells me the all time most searched phrases that lead people to I:tg. My one-hit wonder, the tornado post, pulled in 247 hits (OVER TWO DAYS), with "games like mash" being popular, as well as tonnes of variations on that theme. Lots of people curious about interlocking fingers, too.

4. Technorati. This upsets me because I was doing so well with my old URL, about to crack the top 100,000. But then I switched my URL to http://lfar.ca and apparently none of the links to insatiablelf.blogspot.com count anymore. So now my authority is 15 instead of 53 and I'm barely in the top 500,000. Actually, let me take this moment to ask if you have me on your blogroll (thanks!) and are linking to the blogspot url, can you take a second and change that to lfar.ca? I'm full of myself like that. Ah-thanks.

5. Sitemeter. The oldest one, not much good for anything. Except for the fact that I've had it for so long, I wouldn't keep it. I don't suggest getting it. The End.

6. Google Analytics. I just got it, haven't really conquered all its features. Maybs check it out?

Believe me, I've got a whole bunch of half written good posts on their way, but I just moved this weekend, back to Canada. So hang tight!