How I:tg came to be

Today's guest blogger: my oldest sister, Lindsay!

Since Lisa is busy making the return trip to the Motherland today, she invited me to be a guest blogger. I don't have a blog, and I've told her a bunch of times that she is crazy for having one, because you never know who is reading these things...clients from work, high school people, or worse yet, OUR MOTHER. But I think all the blog hits have gone to her head, because she just keeps writing, and that's even after I broke the news that I still don't have an RSS feed so half those hits are probably me. But anyway, I thought I would fill her loyal readership in on some of the amusing anecdotes of how Insatiable: the girl came to be...

I met her on a sunny day in May, 1987, when I was five years old and on my way to the hospital to meet my new baby sister. There were only 3 kids in our family back then, so the prospect of a new one was still fresh and exciting. When we arrived, everyone was saying things like "Lindsay, hold the baby for a picture!", "Give your new sister a kiss!", but she was all splotchy and pink and wrinkled and I wouldn't even go anywhere near her. She only got better looking from there though, I am happy to say. My brother thought we should call her Lisa, and everyone thought that was a pretty okay name, so we did. As a bonus, that meant that all the girls names at the time started with 'L', a trend that ended fast when my parents demonstrated their ability to produce daughters faster than the universe could think up good 'L' names. (Or good names at all, it seems, because one sister ended up with the same name as the cat. Sad but true.) I never ended up using the name Lisa much anyway, because there were so many other great things to call her, and as a bonus, ALL of them would make her cry. Starting with Crajer (can't remember where that one came from), to Sucky Baby (because oh, SHE WAS), or Lisa Mary Quite Contrary (also startlingly accurate). Eventually the nickname that stuck was Skins, which is short for Skinny, because she spent most of her youth weighing 12 pounds. She was so scrawny people would actually ask if she was okay, and wonder if she had some kind of disease, or cancer, maybe? Laura would get really mad and say "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER. SHE IS JUST SKINNY!" It's too bad I don't have a picture to post, because I would point a big red arrow at her chicken legs, and we'd all have a good laugh.

She sometimes likes to make it sound like I was a mean sister, but I would like to point out that she was no dreamboat herself. She could cry on demand and get us in trouble, or whine until she got her way, and her best trick was barfing orange slushy all over you in the car. (I still think twice about sitting beside her in moving vehicles). For the most part she was pretty handy to have around though, on account of her being The Smart One. My dad taught her how to play chess when she was just a wee thing, and they were having a game out in the backyard one evening and the next-door neighbour just could not believe that a *baby* was playing chess! I was not so impressed, since it was clear as day that he was LETTING her win. Also during the summers my mom would challenge us to read 100 books combined, and if we did it, we could order pizza for dinner. At the time this seemed like a REALLY GOOD deal, and little Lisa was always good for about 20 books, despite the fact that she was still sounding out the letters. I would like to think that we gave her more than one slice for her efforts, but if you ever saw us kids go at an ORDERED pizza, you would know that probably isn't true. You don't need that many calories when you weigh 12 pounds anyway.

Well gee, it has been fun, but this post is getting kind of long, and I have stuff to do tonight, so maybe I will continue it on I:TG's next day off. Because I totally forgot to mention how she had a CLUBFOOT for a while, and that is pretty hilare, doncha think?

Leave a comment and tell her I done good!

Swimming Words of Wisdom

While walking from the subway to the pool this morning I made a new friend. I totally forget her name, but she was also headed to the pool. We started talking about what we're training for. She's doing her first triathlon in a few weeks- on the exact date of her 30th birthday. That is really exciting! I am excited for her. We talked for a bit, and I mentioned that swimming is my worst.

I was done my workout before she was, but I decided to say goodbye before I left. I waited for her to finish her lap and said something like "good luck for in a few weeks!". I expected her to say something similar, and then I'd go shower down. Instead, she stood up and said "You know, I was thinking about it.You shouldn't think of swimming as your worst. Think of it as the one you like least. Now, you cant change what you're good at- but you can easily change what you like. SO LOVE IT!"

And I'm like... wow... that's actually some solid advice. An applicable to life!

Then she said "When you're swimming try just repeating two words. relaxation. victoriousness. relaxation. victoriousness"

Me: You are so inspiring!

Her final tips was to have a mantra to say on each stroke. She says hers is "I. Love. To. Swim. I. Love. To. Swim" So you breath on "swim". Isn't that fantastic? Call me cheesy both having mantas helps me! I can't wait to get in the pool again! I just think it was so nice- she was genuinely concerned and wanting to help me improve my swim- or at least make me like it more!

Eleven days till my next tri!

Being a Picky Eater

Alright I've rewritten the opening line to this post 800 times. Should I start "I am a picky eater" or "I am not really that picky, when you think about it" or "I am picky but not compared to some people" or "Okay there are lots of things I don't like but at least I always try to try new things" or "Shut up and stop serving me weird things".

I'm really not that picky, compared to some people, because I try to try new things. And put that sea cretin back in the water.

My mom is a delicious cook. However, we often would eat things that others have described as "bland". I guess that because my mom was cooking for such a large brood (I have 8 siblings), she knew that she had a greater chance of offending less taste buds if she excluded any potentially dislikable spices in the dish. For example: onions. We all hate onions. So say on meatloaf night, she'll make one with onions, and one without. When my brother was vegetarian for a spell, she'd have to cook 3 dishes: with onions, without onions, and without meat. Hassle and a half! Strike that, two whole hassles!

Whatever the reason- I was not introduced to anything other than traditional American (technically Canadian, if you're like that) home cooking (unless you count take out Chinese... or... pizza.) I used to HATE going to friends' houses for dinner because their parents would cook the weirdest things. Like CURRY. Or FISH. Or MASHED POTATOES MADE FROM POWDER AND WATER BROUGHT TO A SIMMER.

My improv camp is vegan. I had never looked at tofu before and suddenly I take a huge bite of "BLT" ... yeah, that B is not Bacon my friend. That B is "btofu" apparently.

Eating weird textures makes me dizzy. Like seriously light headed. Strange meats, of unknown origin, do the same. Cream sauces? Out. That includes vegetable dips, cream cheese, and the like. To be optimistic, I figure I must save a couple hundred calories per life time by not dipping my carrots in whatever that is. Any seafood is a giant no. I have a really good sense of smell, if I do say so myself. I can visit my home on a weekend and know if they've eaten salmon sandwiches in the past few days. That scent lingers, I tell you. Don't get me started on mayo. So DEFINITELY don't get me started on tuna fish salad. That stuff was made by the devil, I suspect.

So I've always been the pickiest eater I know. In first year university when I moved into residence I met people who were pickier than I. Okay HOLY COW why did nobody ever mention how unattractive picky eaters are? WHO DOESN'T LIKE PEROGIES. I want to slap them in the face because they've NEVER EVEN TRIIIIED THEM. I'll give myself that. I try things. A little nibble. Unless it's creamy, fishy, or from a suspicious animal. But I did try lamb once!

There was one girl in the residence who didn't like MOST VEGETABLES. Okay there is a different between "not liking" and "liking less than cake". Of course green beans are not as delicious as Ben and Jerry's New York Super fudge but sister, you need, I don't know. Vitamins? Nutrients? Something other that simple carbs? AND WHO DOESN'T LIKE CORN! (Editor's note: not liking Korn is okay) These girls would just eat TOAST, about 12 meals a week. Just buttered toast. Sometimes with honey- when they weren't dieting.

I am not nearly that bad. But seeing people that picky has strengthened my resolve to try absolutely everything instead of being way too grossed out to try. (Note: this excepts creaming things, fish, and suspicious meat.) I'm getting quite good. I only like about 50% of the things I try but I can't help it if the chef decided to wash all his vegetables in the red sea. (I don't like salt that much). I've even started finally liking red wine! I knew that one would come eventually!

When I am invited to somebody's place for dinner I usually tell them I am allergic to seafood when I accept the invite. It's just easier. However, when my boss invited me over for dinner I didn't mention the alleged allergy partially because I forgot and partially because I have vague recollections of telling him about how I lie to people (we had a 3 hour drive to Boston... and 3 hours back. A lot of things came up.)

So Gillian and I are at his place left temporarily alone in the living room while he and his attend to dinner. My nostrils flare.

Me: G... it's fish. You need to eat mine
G: It's not fish
Me: YES IT IS. Take it off my plate when they aren't looking
G: How do you even know?
Me: TRUST ME I KNOW EAT MINE
G: You're paranoi-

The wife enters the room and asks how well done we like our tune. I glare at G and she says "I think you like it well done, don't you Lisa?". This sounds like a good idea because the more cooked things are the better they taste- at least for me and meat. "Yes. Very well done, thanks," I muster.

Luckily the tuna is in a salad so I can kind of cherry pick my way around. However, since one was made specially well done for me, I need to eat at least some. I do. I ate fish. I washed it down with delicious potatoes and beans etc, and plenty of red wine. And water. There was a lot of washing down. But tuna entered my mouth, and got swallowed. Yes, my throat closed a little and my vision went slightly blurred. But I did it! I ATE TUNA.

I'm rather proud of myself. I would never do it again. I felt like a feline. Only cats should eat tuna.

Anyway, what's the weirdest thing you have an aversion to?

Ta-ta park slope

This is where I live. I love Park Slope, a lot. I literally live on a tree-lined street! With an American flag and a stoop. (Note: you cannot sit and eat ice cream on the stoop. Believe me, I've tried and the land lord came after us). All I need is a picket fence, some apple pie, and a football playing boyfriend and I could totally pass as American, don't you think?

I move out on Friday, with mixed emotions.

Summer Camp

For three summers I attended improv camp. Improv camp is a regular summer camp (canoing, campfires, etc) but with improv workshops and lessons all day. It is the most fun place in the world. It is going on right now, and I am so sad to be missing it.

At what other camp do people start throwing around a frisbee and one person does a really sweet catch so you turn the game into "synchronized frisbee" and everybody starts dancing around? At what other camp are your campfire songs mostly improvised? At what other camp is there an excess of soap bars in the store room so you play a game called basebar (image on left)? At what other camp are so many people vegan or vegetarian that to make things easier for the cooks, everybody eats vegan? (I start the week hungry, hating tofu and dreaming of hamburgers; I end the week talking about quinoa and wondering where I can get some lentil soup. Well, that's an exaggeration but you know what I'm saying). The camp is housed at a Christian camp venue, so the cabins are named Faith and Hope and etc. The leaders program hangs out in the CIT cabin which has band names and former counselor names graffitied all over the walls. You see ABBA on one side of the window, Spinal Tap on the other. Christian badass at its best. Across the door is "DON'T HATE THE PLAYA. HATE THE GAME". Which of course became the password to get in. Because cabins ALWAYS have passwords, no?

At camp you put on great talent shows. Acts can be anywhere from contortionists to tongue tricks (me in orange). From stand up comedy, to reciting DUNE (happens more than I'd like), dressing up in 80's gear and dancing to Spice Girls (wait... weren't spice girls more like the later 90s?), or even reciting pi, poems about pi, and poems about pie all in one act (another of my own highlights).




You can make friendships in one week that are deeper than any friendship you could make in a year outside of camp. Brushing teeth and telling secrets become mutually inclusive. Inside jokes run amok. You write tv series pilots about a minstrel who comes out of a ninetendo game (two guys on left). You're ALWAYS cracking up. But the most magical part of camp is how into everybody is. Nobody is ever too cool. Every moment just feels so REAL. I've done clown workshops. That make me cry at the end. I've watched scenes about death that make me laugh till it hurts. Because improv is about commitment, acceptance, and trust and because you're doing so much improv, everybody at camp is so willing to embrace every body else's eccentricities. Some people say honestly that they've never felt so themselves anywhere else.

This American Life (radio program) has an incredible episode on summer camp. It's an hour long, so whenever you've got the time I highly highly recommend you have a listen, here. It's magically done.

Teen Girls Squad also has a pretty hilarious episode. The best part is when they have camp fire singing with counselor short shorts. Check it, here. Isn't that totally what all camp songs are like?

Have you ever watched Wet Hot American Summer? The talent show is the best part. It captures the "camp as a chance to reach first base" theme of every summer camp.

Some videos from improv camp. I don't think any of my improv friends are I:tg readers (known exceptions: Gemma and Mina), so these might seem like they'd be meaningless to you. However, they make me cry... so I thought I'd include them. They're from last summer's camp (the first year I didn't go)





Summer camp is just the best place ever.

A running realization

Yesterday I had the best brick session of my life.

A brick is a bike followed by a run. The transition um, kills... every muscle in your legs. But that's what you do in a triathlon, so that's how you have to train. It does get easier, though. Or at least, easier to go faster. Or at LEAST, it gets possible to at a reasonable speed.

The first time I went I had weird brake problems with my bike... yes the brake was continually ON. So I was super slow. So I came in late off the bike and was the last person to start/finish the run section. I got my bike tuned up and my lap time for biking improved incredibly, but my run still wasn't fast. I think I've been telling myself I am slow- and using that as a crutch. Not "these other people are faster because they are pushing themselves harder" but "these are people are faster because I am a slow person". And then I wouldn't push myself as hard.

There are a couple of fast girls. Yesterday one of them was riding with me. Actually she said "Lisa, let's ride" and I suppressed a giggle because that phrase is hilare- and started on the first loop. We were chatting nicely, and rode at an easy pace. On the second loop, I started noticing I was always at a slightly faster pace. I kept accidentally getting ahead of her. I decided I'd rather make a friend than finish the loop at a good pace, so I'd just stop pedaling for a bit every so often for her to keep pace.

When we transitioned, she was taking her time to have a Gu and stretch out some muscle that had been bothering her, and told me to go ahead- that she would catch up. We were starting with 3 hill repeats so it was really easy to see where I was in relation to the other triathletes. The "fast girl" never caught up. In fact, I started passing a couple of people. There were two new girls that I lapped. Suddenly, and I mean SUDDENLY, I realized something. All this time I've been telling myself I'm one of the slow ones. One of the inexperienced ones. The one who always finishes near the end of the group.

And suddenly? I realized. I. AM NOT. SLOW.

And I charged up those hills, arms swinging, sweat dripping, breath ragged... feeling terrific. Feeling my muscles contract differently on different slopes. Feeling powerful. Actually I think I was even a little teary because I was just... proud of myself. Realizing?- I'm good. Well not awesome, but I am good. I am better than some people who have nicer bikes than me. I am better than some people who have been racing for a few seasons. And I'm definitely better than everybody who isn't out there. Not being last- gaining on people, lapping people... it felt like high school sports, when I knew I was just "a good runner". And I forgot what it felt like to believe that.

Running always makes me happy. But now I am more motivated than ever. I can't WAIT for my next speed workout. I can't WAIT for my next long run. I can't WAIT to go swimming in the morning, or on a really long bike ride this weekend. I'm just SO PUMPED to be out there.

Kid Skills

Yesterday I got shown up in the department of "kid skills".

I normally have no trouble with kids. Wait, change that to "I am a magician with children" because seriously- they love me. Having practically raised a few of my siblings (there are 5 younger than me), I feel I can justifiably say "I have experience". You also know about my babysitting (I love those kids), and I worked at a toy store for three years- the kind of toy store where you have "regulars" who know you by name.

And I love kids. I LOVE them. I LOVE KIDS. I love everything about them. I love reading to them. I love teaching them how to play sports. I love when you blog about them (nice one Bri, Peter, Laura, and Diesel!). I love choosing clothes for them. I like spoiling them, and I like when they say amazingly intelligent things. I like kissing them. Even strange kids? Yes, kids I just met. I like picking them up and I always have to surpress the urge to kiss them. "Did you just kiss my baby?" "Um, no. That kissing sound was something else. And I leaned in to... sniff. Time for a diaper change, yeah?"

When were were little, Laura used to make me cry by saying "Oh yeah? Well YOU'RE going to have TEN KIDS". Sure fire, I'd cry. Though actually, Laura and Lin (two older sisters) used to make me cry pretty easily. They even had a song to sing to me when I started crying. Listen, I don't want to talk about it, okay? Now where were we.

Yes kids. They're terrific. So then yesterday, Gillian and I went to my boss' house for dinner and games night. (Because I'm not the only person who loves games a lot, apparently!). He has two ADORABLE daughters, aged 3 and 1. The 3 year old kept doing cartwheels and flipflops all over the couch. Or, when lacking inspiration but knowing she needed to do something to keep her audience so captive, she would pump her fists or shake her whole body- sending her beaaautiful blonde curls going crazy. And then the 1 year old would try to copy her. Both kept their eyes on Gillian and I the whole time. We both would crack up at every single thing they did. God, they were adorable.

Gillian was on her game. Gillian was asking the three year old about school supplies, and rulers, and what shape her new eraser is. Gillian was picking them up and holding them upside down so they could touch the rug with their hands. Gillian was saying "what a cool room! Do you sleep on the top or bottom bunk!" Gillian was great. Gillian was "the one that is soooo good with kids". Gillian stole my thunder. That is usually my role! I stood awkwardly (with a huge smile- these girls were hilarious) sort of wringing my hands- what I do when I'm nervous.

Why? That's so weird. Maybs its because I was, I don't know, at my boss' house, or something. Or maybe its because I'm not surrounded by toddlers 24/7 anymore. That's a shame. I want kid skills! It's all I have! It's WHO I AM!

Are you good with kids? Have you always been good with kids? Have you always been good with kids and suddenly you feel awkward around new ones? (I'm still good with the ones I know). Do you hate children? Do you hate them but your significant other loves them? Do you love them but your significant other hates them? Are you going to break up? Are you going to stage a pregnancy? Not a smart plan. Post about it in the comments, and we'll talk you out of it!

Like? or LIKE like?

Topic Tolerance

I'd love to come up with a witty, laughter eliciting, thought provoking, digg worthy, credibly quotable post for you today. Unfortunately, all that's on my mind is poop.

I'm okay with talking about my bowels. And I'd love to listen to your stories, too! Let's wax on about how good a good one feels! Should we compare notes on how corn affects length? Your basketball/soccer/improv team in high school used to take team poops together? SO DID MINE!

Unfortunately this topic does not engage everybody in the same manner. In fact, some people are more than uninterested in the topic. Some people are grossed out! Can you imagine such a thing? Whenever Laura and I talk about our most recent bowel movements when my mom is around, she says, in a highly affronted tone, "I hope you girls don't talk about such rude things in front of Jeremiah!" (Jerm is Laur's fiance). Ummm... well, we do, actually.

Why are some people so grossed out about it? I guess I sort of understand since talking about slit wrists, belly buttons, and that thing that happened to my friend's friend's mom where your calf muscle unhooks from your heel and rolls up like a curtain and you need extensive surgery- those topics make me flinch. And groan. And say "STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP". And clutch the respective body part.

So you. Yes you there reader. If I say "let's talk about poop" do you say,
a) YES LETS. So I had asparagus last night...
b) Ummm... I've never... talked about... poop... but I'll listen.
c) (remove from RSS feed)

I love shoes!

Is this a post about Lisa finally finding a pair of heels? No! No it is not! It's about these beauties:

Retailed at $150, my oldest sister (Lin)'s boyfriend (Jon) found them on ebay for me for only $85! What a nice guy! Now all I need are some pedals and cleats and my good old (slash, brand new) bike will be ready to rock! And roll! Probably more like roll since it has wheels!

I'm currently riding on Gillian's super light very nice Specialized road bike, in Gillian's quite good but a little big Shimano road shoes. However when I go home, all I've got is regular pedals. Like not even cages... how is a girl supposed to win triathlons with that sort of gear, hm?

With my next triathlon LESS THAN TWO WEEKS away... I'm starting to get re-nervous! I'm totes going to drown. Sigh/hooray!

How to break up over email

Breaking up is never easy, I know. I know and ABBA knows. Everybody knows. It's common knowledge, really.

However, if I may, allow me to alter this truth that seems so universally acknowledged... breaking up can be easy! And you can do it! All you need for this session of "Tips with Lisa" is an internet connection and an email address. Yes! You guessed it, the easiest way to to break up is with an email!

Let me state my credentials. I am a personal recipient of this form of communication. Also, and in fact the prompt for this post stems from here, an entirely terrific friend of mine was also broken up with in this manner. Two is enough to see the patterns. Admittedly I have no experience in actually breaking up with somebody through email however suffice it to say that even an amateur can successfully do it after seeing two examples. Also, many people seem to find my blog by searching for electronic mail relationship ending techniques. I say, give the people what they want.

"How do I know if this lesson is right for me?" you are asking. Well answer these questions:
1. Am I in a relationship that I want to end?
2. Am I sensing that the other person is thinking of breaking it up, and so do I want to be the first do it? Am I desperate and running out of time? Do I suspect that the next time we see each other in person that s/he will cut the cord?
3. Do I want to insult the other person's entire being?
4. Do I mind giving him/her a really, really good list of things to make fun of me form?
5. Is it okay if every single one of our mutual friends will roll their eyes and say "through email? Lame, man"
6. Do I have poor grammar?
7. (Optional). Do you have jarring similarities to either this guy or this guy?

If you answered yes to all of these questions then email breaking up is for you. (Number 6 is strange but it seems to help with number 3, you'll see)

So the first thing you'll want to do is set the tone. There are two main groups of people here, the "quick and dirty" or "slow and awkward".

QaD people will want to start with lines like "Okay I don't have much time to write because I am already late for work but basically I think it would be best if we just be friends now." Even better is the one some US Senator received, that started "Well, as of this afternoon, I was planning on ruining your career by making phone calls to all my parents friends and have you blackballed from the workplace as well as every prestigious law school in the country. But then, lucky for you, I decided not to do that, because you're a sad, sad person, and I'll just let your life self-destruct right before my eyes." I'll call this QaD subgroup the "Quick and Dirty: with Spite" or QaD:wS

SaA people should select something more along the lines of "How we are acting is not love, it is not even life. I do not want to live that way, and I know you don't either." (SaA is particularly potent if you're not an expressive person to begin with).

Remember, throughout the email replace "you're" with "your", "lose" with "loose", "there" with "their" and so on. Bonus points for ending more than 5 verbs with "ign" instead of "ing".

The body of the email should consist of subtle, or for the bolder- not so subtle, indicators that you know what the other person feels. Use phrases such as "I think this is best for you", "You'll understand later", and "Your in New York and a boyfriend is probably the last of your worries right now". Bonus points for cryptically hypocritical phrases like "You are a great person, and I do wish that the urge to get to know you did consume me, but it didn't. In the end I guess you don't know me but I know you."

The body can go for as long as you wish. I think that unless you were purposely going for QaD route, that you go for as long as you can. Remember that the recipient has full right to forward this email to whomever s/he chooses, or even blog about it. Think of it this way: you're doing the world a favour by providing blog fodder!

End with a pithy cringe worthy statement. Be sure to assume the other person will be heart broken. The best I've seen is "Typing this message has made me feel the best that I have in a while, please write me back on your thought. (venting, swearing anything that would inspire me for a song) and I promise I will write a song for you on the new album" (Only works if you're in a band). Runners up include "Anyways I hope you understand and if you want you can write back, but if you don't want to I understand." (if only for using "understand" twice) or this probably-called-for little by-the-by: " By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class, you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate." (Source)

It is my most sincere hope that this resource can be used in assisting you in your next relationship termination. Let me know how it goes!

Just in case... I have the name

Though I don't see myself having kids for about 10 more years, Clink posted about what baby names she likes and that really got me in the mood.

I love names. They interest me so much. I've named my stomach Dominique, and Gillian named hers Cristina. With no H. How perfect, right? Other friends have named them Pepe, Engeline, Georgette, Alan, Alberto, Hank, etc. But those are for tummies. Children's names are different.

Using Baby Name Wizard and Nymbler I have created the following list.

Girls
Madeleine: I love Madeleine, THAT MUCH
Hazel: Maccallion is okay, but mostly this name rocks
Elliot: I love Scrubs, THAT MUCH
Fern: I love Charlotte's Web, THAT MUCH.
Sophie: I used to be addicted to The Sims, and I had this really old couple who adopted a black girl that I named Sophie. They weren't my favourite family so I didn't use my best names on them (best names at the time: Bronwyn and Samantha). But Sophie was so sweet that I played with that family a lot, and the name grew on me. Hundreds of hours, easily. I miss The Sims. Somebody buy the new one for me?

The "I like it but... list": Mavis (the typing tutor?), Ramona, Beatrice (maybs Ramona will even call her Beezus!), Caden (it sounds too much like cadence), Ivy (a recent addition to names that I like- I just met the most adorable, outgoing, smart seven year old named Ivy and I'm hooked on the name!), Avery (but I always think Mr. Avery from To Kill a Mockingbird mainly because I once met twins called Avery and Atticus), October but only because I like the sound of that word, and who wants to be named after a month! (Sorry April, May, June, and August!)(and maybe Juliette, sorry, also), Harriet, Matilda, and Eloise (after the title characters of this book, this book, and this book), Joan (because Joan of Arc is awesome, but my nana's name is Joan and I don't love her much)

Boys
Nolan: good name!
Owen: good name!
Gavin: Like in The Sky is Falling
Billy: despite a slightly awkward status with a Billy I know, this name is still terrific.
Charlie: not from the chocolate factory. Just a good name!
Josh: because every Josh in the whole world pretty much is a hunkaroo
Anything Irish-ish: Eamon, Flynn, Lachlin, Tiernan, Conan, even Shannon because whats the deal with unisex names being girly?

Others: Aiden (except my friend just had a baby named Aiden. He's cute though!), Dan and Jack (but both my brothers names already), Miles (it would be cheating on the metric system!), Malachy (but any nickname for it sucks) Torry (I like it but don't love it)

Articles of interest: top 100 baby names in Canada, welsh boys names (which I seem to love)

I think a clear pattern is that I am totally nostalgic for the books I used to adore/ still adore. Was I that much a bookworm?

I think this would be a fun post to do yearly. Note to self: every Aug 17th, do this.

Defending my omnivore status

I'm in Texas. A bunch of us are going out for lunch together. Everybody is discussing what they want (ie, Mexican or Mexican) when one turns to me and says,

What do you like, salad?

I chuckled and said I'm all in for wherever you guys choose. I'm famished! And you guys know the area! I'm tots game! They returned the chuckle at my double use of "you guys". Then one shyly turned to me and asked

Are you vejan?

Point of hilarity 1: She meant vegan. Point of hilarity 2: This is said in a cautious tone, but like its necessary to be asking. Embarrassed to be asking. Like in grade 7 when the nurses come to every school to immunize seventh graders against hepatitis B or something and you have to answer if you taken medication or have been sick in the last 6 weeks, and "Is there any chance you might be pregnant?". Oh gosh do those nurses want some grade seven somewhere to say "I think maybe" because oh la la the scandal! What a story. Same here, I think. "Are you vejan?" and a glance away like "I shouldn't have asked that. No I'm sorry. That was rude. I take that back" (she didn't actually say that- she just starred nervously, waiting for the answer). I should have answered "Well I wouldn't rule it out" in an equally conspiratorial whisper, nodding in a if-you-know-what-I-mean way, just for kicks. Instead I blurted something like "I LIKE MEAT" and smacked my lips for emphasis as if just thinking about it made me drooly. What about me would cause somebody to think I am a vegan salad eater?

When we went out for lunch I made sure to dig into my chicken fajitas with extra vigour. Which just shows how much I care about what people think because honestly? I did want a salad. Geez.

Texas Quote of the day (this will only happen for one day, don't get too excited): "You may all go to hell, I'll go to Texas" brought to you by one Davy Crockett.

Days without diet coke: 7

In a Texan pharmacy...

I almost bought it.

I can almost name all the states!

I'm flying for work today. Although a delay in New York caused me to miss my layover in North Carolina to Texas, this is the first flying trip that hasn't elicited tears in... quite a while!

The Charlotte/Douglas airport is deluxe. Although I've been trying to lay off the ice cream, how could I resist some fat free soft serve Dutch Chocolate. And a Pizza Hut? I'm hungry and I don't remembered the last time I had pizza. Okay so maybe I'm filling my empty heart with empty calories but this is so much fun! I feel like I'm in a mall.

I get a per diem. Regardless of my meal costs, I get the full amount. So at first I was all "I AM ONLY GOING TO EAT CRACKERS AND NET LIKE FIFTY DOLLARS EACH DAY, SUCKAS" but then I realized- yo, I can have a wonderful travel experience. When else can I guilt-free spend money on delicious airport treats? NEVER.

Plus- I'm sitting on a white rocking chair listening to a wonderful piano player. Seriously! When the bunch of us on the plane found out we had missed the transfer to Houston, the other ones all started shouting at the US Airways people "YOU LOST MY LUGGAGE ON THE WAY HERE", "MY WIFE ALREADYYYYY WANTS A DIVORCE AND NOW I'M MISSING HER BIRTHDAY, THANKS" and "I HAVE SUUUURGERY TOMORROW". With all the yelling, I got first in line for customer service. For the next flight I got the 85th seat on a 86 person flight. I was going to stick around and watch the other 4 duke it out for the last seat but I was afraid that surgery woman would guilt me out of my ticket so I booked it.

Anyway here is the woman playing wonderful music:I'm also sitting near a USO? Which is like where all the military personnel can chill between flights? Lots of camo and buzz cuts. How fun! Anyway, I have to catch my flight. Updates on Texas to come!

Early August Links

I like sharing cool things I find, so checka checka!

1. Blogs:
Mattress Police. Nothing will crack you up with as much consistency as this
Indexed. I love graphs! (Thanks, Greg)

2. Things about Harry Potter
The December Boys trailer, featuring Daniel Radcliffe. I am pro-DR these days. I will argue you that he is turning rawther hunky.
Harry Potter and the Death of Reading. One guy on why HP is ruining the minds of the future. I disagree, obvi.

3. Things about Facebook
Class division in myspace vs facebook. Really interesting look at the stereotypical user of each social network. Apparently generated a lot of controversy.
Mom reunites with son over facebook. A woman found the son she gave up for adoption- through the magic of the interwebs!

4. Things about sex (weird that I collected so many articles... it was unintentional!)
Man cleared of sleep walk sex. Title says enough. With a 15 year old!
Sexual Network of a High school. I thought the graph was well done.
Smart people have less sex. Really?

5. Things about being smart
Reading at Risk. How much (or how little) people read! RIDIC!
Beauties with Big Brains. Found this on digg. I love smart pretty people!

6. Things that are cool
These! I don't get what they are but they look cool.
No more nalgenes! It's all about my sweet new SIGG
Magic toothbrush! Brush and rinse. Turn your tooth brush into a water fountain!

7. Things that are funny
Insults- not what they used to be!
What constitutes swearing! BBC rules
My life as a hot woman. A guy helps a female friend create an online dating profile

8. Things that are generally of interest
What 120 calories looks like. NEAT!
Amazing violin guy plays on the street. Do people recognize him? Do they even appreciate it! FIND OUT!
Plastic Bags Are Killing Us. Really makes you want to bring those canvas grocery bags.

Note. Days without Diet Coke: 6

Quest for Heels Begins

There are three things that prompted my sudden desire to own a pair of heels.

1. When Laura and I were faking being Richies, we realized neither one of us had a single pair of heels. Next time I want to fake being a Richie, I'll need heels at least, right? And diamonds. Heels to start.

2. I like collections. And if you think shoes aren't a great thing to collect, you should talk to Molly.

3. Gillian had some heels in a convenient try-on location in her BP last week. I tried them on and did you know that heels make legs look incredible? Like, really hot, you guys. Calf muscles have never been so defined, seriously.

So, I need to get me some heels. The first problem is that I don't own ANY clothes that would look half decent with heels. I mean my "going out" best shirt is from lululemon. So today was stage 1: find a good dress.

Emma ("E" from this post and this post) and I scoured SoHo together all afternoon. No dice. Because I don't wear dresses everyday, there is no point in getting an everyday dress. So it needs to be a special dress. We decided on the adjective "chic". Alas, no dice. So basically, this is just part 1! To be continued!


Days without Diet Coke: 4

Can't kick the habit!

Yesterday I was in a meeting with just my boss. We were viewing some files off my screen- which I had projected onto the wall so that we didn't have to be crammed around a small laptop. I had forgotten to sign off IM. That's a mistake you don't want to make.

(Background information: My friend Emma is here for the week. Matt is a guy from work who also is friends with Emma. Matt and I were planning to grab lunch with her later)

My boss and I are hard at work with the screen projected. IM window pops up. Matt, asking me if I wanted to grab lunch. I left it because we were busy, but during a time when we were waiting for a graph to repopulate, I replied back "in a meeting until at least 1, go without me" or something similar.

Matt replied "Sure. We'll just have fun tomorrow with the E"

See he MEANT tomorrow with Emma. But now my boss tots thinks I do ecstasy, right? Oh man!

T calls me in for a chat

Hi, Lisa? Can you come into my room for a second?

I go into the room and Toni jumps on her bed, all bouncy like, and pats the spot in the bed next to her in the style of slumber party. After this I can only expect that we will be talking about how cute our mutual crush's new bowl cut is, how much grade four homework SUCKS, and what's the deal with shaving legs because during basketball practice we asked a girl in grade 6 who clearly knows her business and we need to digest all the information she gave us. Clearly the only way to do so is while painting our toe nails so, T, I'm looking around for the strawberry scented polish. Also Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding. Cool right? It's the year of Titanic but Leo isn't all that. Anyway Ton-ton this is what I'm expecting to happen. Because last time somebody slumber party patted the bed that is what happened. Because it was 1997. Tops.

I just wanted to talk about a couple of things. You've been having a lot of over night guests, first.

Where's the ouiji board? I know instantly that this isn't where I want to be. I want to leave like when you're in a meeting and you have to pee so hard that you can feel a pulse in your bladder?

Have I ever mentioned that the Tones is totally fug? Like, really really ugly. And for some people with say, terrible noses, at least they have a nice rest of their face. Or for ugly face people they can do their best by having nice hair or visible triceps, right? Toni, for that is her name, has no follicular or muscular redemption. What she does have is this tots annoying way of not pronouncing all her consonants and trailing off with certain vowel sounds so that one time I was about to go in the shower and she said "way, I have to pay" and I seriously didn't know what she was telling me. Turns out she wanted to use the toilet before I started showering. You know your larynx? It's useful, actually. Try it out, sometime.

Suddenly I desperately want to have this conversation. Like how the car crash videos on youtube are watched so much. That but with a teaspoon of malice.

Outload: Yeah, and you've brought this up before, remember? And we said that since when I signed the sublet you said you were totally okay with as many guests as I wanted, that it's not fair for you to make me feel bad about having friends over. It's really important that my friends always feel welcome in my house. When I signed the sublet I invited many people before your true colours were revealed, but since they've already been invited and had booked tickets, I couldn't cancel on them. Plus, I really want them to visit, and one of the reasons I chose this sublet was because I thought I could have friends over no problem. In addition, the two currently visiting are the last ones. They're not leaving early and since nobody else is coming anyway, I think this is a mute thing to be talking about.

Okay but also, sometimes you leave crumbs in the kitchen.

You know what you leave in the kitchen? HAIR. Everywhere. It's nasty, tonigirl. You're nasty. Your face is really oily. Also, crumbs? I don't think so. I occasionally leave dishes in the sink but since I'm the only one of us that eats, I didn't think that'd bother you too much. But gotta say, I don't leave crumbs. Seriously when have I ever left crumbs? I don't! You have bad skin!

Speaking of leaving hair places you also leave hair in the shower like I've never known. Also, on the floor, and the fucking MIRROR. Speaking of things you leave in the bathroom, YOUR UNDERWEAR. I guess you wash them with you in the shower (ew) or something but like 5 days a week I walk into the bathroom and there is wet underwear draped over the side of the bathtub. GRODY.

Outloud: Sure, I'll be more careful of my crumbs. While we're on the topic of things the other person does that bothers us. Think you can turn lights off and not let the shower run for 10 minutes before you get in? And not leave the AC on all day?

You.. you just, you have a LOT of over night guests.

Tones... first off seriously. It SUCKS that you're so ugly. I mean, truly, ugly. Ugg to the max, girl. You don't even have a nice hair colour, cut, or sheen! Sucks on the uggo-ness but at least salvage what you can and take a trip to a salon or something!

Outloud: Yeah, I do. We've been over this, I feel.

I think it's because I'm almost 25, and you're just 20! So since I live a more mature life than you, I guess I'm just trying to settle down. You don't have a boyfriend so maybe you don't understand. I just like to come home and settle in, you know?

Hmm. Remember that morning that I was getting up for a run and you were just coming home from partying? And those over two dozen days you said "did you go to work today? Because I skipped!" And how since you're always getting fired your dad pays your rent and for all your camera equipment because you're a wannabe film maker but even if you could hold a job it wouldn't pay enough for the rent because you're entirely undereducated which should cause a little more remorse, I should think. Side note does it suck to be stupid? Anyway, I'm not saying either lifestyle is superior, I just think that saying you lead a more "mature" lifestyle is a little silly. A little wrong. Also whats with the boyfriend jab? Maybs I'm overreacting here but I would just like you point out that your boyf is also fugly. Distorted facial features. At least he has an okay colour hair but seriously. Also he's really nice and you're a super bitch to him, picking fights all the time. Which makes me feel great because it proves that I'm not just a fight picker but that you in fact just love to argue! Listening to your logic when your argue with your boyfriend is downright hilare.

[Note. She is on the phone right now to apologize to her boyfriend for not wanting him to go our with his friends last night. Quote "do you hate me?" Seriously.] Also, your eyes are simultaneously sunken and bulgy. That's almost an achievement. You've accomplished familiarity to a dead bullfrog.

Outloud: Sounds good. So here are our action items. I'll be more careful with crumbs, and you try to remember to turn lights off and not let the shower run. Okay?

Case, Point, Match! Or whatever!

And now for you, good readers, a graph to illustrate (click to enlarge):

The Brooklyn Tornado

Aren't tornados for Kansas and movies? (Or both. See: Wizard of Oz)Apparently not, friends.

Check this article about a tornado like storm that hit last night. I woke up to the thunder- but I often do. I didn't realize how bad things were until this morning when it took me over 2 hours to get into a work (a trip that takes sometimes less than 20 minutes! Max 30!)

I won't go into details because listing letters of subways isn't interesting even if you're from NY but seriously: crazy. At one point Joel from my office (who gets on the F at my stop) and I decided to screw public transport, lets get a car. Nope- car service was backed up and the next trip wouldn't be for 2 hours. SERIOUSLY.

It's scary, a bit, hey? Blackouts, flooded subway lines. We're so dependent on things that nature can destroy so quickly. It makes me want to pack up and move to the Yukon. Or maybe it's just the 89% humidity today. CRIPES.

Wedding Dresses

Laur was visiting me in NYC this weekend so we decided heck lets do some wedding dress shopping that is exclusive to New York, or at least that we can't do in Ontario. I asked Clink for some insider NYBride tips and she told me to check out Kleinfeld, a store I had heard of before from a friend at work.

Well two people can't be wrong so I checked out the websites. Ouch dresses BEGINNING at $1800! I book us an appointment (with a personal shopper, what?) which requires a $50 deposit (so that you don't cancel last minute). I inform Laura of the expected extravagance of this boutique and we decide we need to up our appearance level on the affluence scale.

After discovering that neither one of us owns a pair of heels we decided screw clothes- we'll have to resort to weaving an elaborate tale about old money. Quoting an email from Laura

"We are sisters (true), we both live in NYC (1/2 true) and we are engineers (almost true). Our family is from Canada (true) but they are in Europe all summer (1/2 true) in our house in the alps (false). It's just Mom, Dad, Lin, me, and you in our family (5/12ths true)". It went on like that for a while. On the subway ride there we went over our story to make sure we both had it straight. (because perhaps our personal shopper will quiz us separately on the size of our parental's bank account!)

The personal shopper was hilarious. She was so classic. Here is my favourite part, after Laura tried on a dress that looked really good.

Laura and I: ah, nice!
Personal Shopper: I will just grab a veil
Laura: Oh, don't bother. I'm not wearing a veil for the wedding
PS: Wh-what?
Laura: yeah, so there's no point trying one on
PS: But. But a Bride Needs A Veil! (more stammer ensues, and we let her get one)(much to her chagrin we stand firm on our anti-veil policy, even after trying it on)

Awkward awkward awkward. But fun! And there were some really good dresses!

Pop quiz: in which country did we go to private school!

My new favourite caller

Ring Ring.

Me: Hello?
High voice: it IS Lisa, Jack!
Me: Robbie?
High voice belonging to my 8 year old brother: HI LIIISAAAAAAA. Guess what I got the new Heroes of Might and Magic and Steve says that it doesn't do multiplayer but that's dumb and it doesn't work on dad's laptop because it has an old system but it works on moms but she never lets us use it because she is always on the internet but the manual is really good and it has cool pictures and the Warlock I think isn't the best in number 5 but there's this new devil character-
Me: Rob, where did you get my number?
Rob: I found it! On a piece of paper!

It turns out that from Friday's fiasco (read: waiting for my sister's flight to get in... 7 hours late.) my dad had my number written somewhere accessible so that we could be in contact just in case for my sister. Robbie is CRAZY good with numbers- so quick as a blink he memorized it. He memorizes a lot of phone numbers and my 10 digits (with an area code he's unfamiliar with) were no exception.

Rob: so I saved up and bought it and when you come home can we play it because-
Me: okay! How was Ireland!
Rob: -because you're really good at Heroes and when I play with Jack I always beat him but maybe-
Jack: I want to talk
Rob: (giant sigh) Jack wants to talk
Jack: hiiii leeesuuuuh
Me: how was Ireland?
Jack: gooooooood.

That's how Jack talks on the phone. He gets nasal and really draws out all his vowels. Eventually I ended that conversation with a shake of the head "those boys those boys those boys". Silly boys.

This morning. 9:30am

Ring Ring

Me: Hello?
Rob: I think my Heroes game is broken-
Me: Rob?
Rob: because it won't let me save a network multiplayer properly and Steve won't fix it but I think-

Oh Robbie. Yes, he has my number memorized and I picture him sneaking off and making secret long distance calls all the time now. He's so funny. I love that boy so much.

** A note about Heroes of Might and Magic. I LOVE THAT GAME. I played it for about 7 years straight. Perhaps that's why I still am very pale. I can't wait to go home and try HMM5!!!

If I could only be more...

Please fill out this short survey in the comments

If there is one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be:
Gender:

Now, reading the rest of this post might prompt you to change your answers. Plus I feel like most of my readers are more free-willed and globally aware than the average person. However my theory is that most people will answer something about their body. (I ask gender as well because maybs females are more likely to get down on their physical self. But that is an aside)

Clink and Molly recently posted a meme where you have to list the top 10 things you like about yourself. That is HARD! Go try it in your head. Alright, maybs try it out loud to somebody. HARD, no? But now list 10 things you dislike about yourself? Wow super easy.

But really what is with all the focus on improving bodies. You'll hear "I wish I could just lose the love handles!" about 10000 times more often than you'll hear "If only I was able accept compliments with sincerity and grace!" or "Imagine if I was better at finding patterns in numbers! Life would be amazing, then!"

Take a look at 43things. LOSE WEIGHT is the most common goal, practically.

Why is this? My theories

1. The first thing people see is our body, and rarely and only with effort could they find your incredible knack to give thoughtful and useful homemade gifts. So our outer selves are more easy to appreciate than our inner beauty?

2. Bodies are something that we all know we can change. We notice changing easily. Versus it's harder to sense or quantify the number of ways in which a more positive attitude towards strangers helps the world become a better place.

3. Goals are short term. Lose five pounds vs contribute to decreasing global starvation. Do 30 situps every day for a week vs make that really awkward guy that nobody likes in your class feel more welcome without being patronizing. Run 5 miles without stopping vs appreciate sarcasm.

4. Does shaping up increase your self confidence more that working on your humility, or your patience, or your listening skills? Probably not. When we look good, we feel good. (When we feel good we look good too, but less so)

5. Perhaps more encouragement. You can find a community of people with similar goals (think: buff bride) with more ease (think: eco-friendly bride). You can find both! But being thinner is The Thing To Do, say the magazines. Says mainstream media. You'll see Us Weekly congratulating a celeb on losing all their baby weight in 6 weeks many times before you'll seem them congratulating them on teaching their tot to share.

I don't know though. Whenever I make lists of goals it's often fitness related or, because I'm a giant nerd, school related. What if we started making goals that are more "be a better person" related?

That's why I've now updated my 43things account. I just added "listen harder", "read books that challenge me", "try every new food available to me" and "give second chances". They're all kind of lofty and indefinitely bordered, but a good start nonetheless!

And of course... I'm going to start doing sit ups every day. Gotta have abs, baby!

My First Brick

A brick is a session of biking followed by running (sometimes iterative). Yesterday was my first time going.

The coach is really awesome. I used to see him training people at the pool all the time so he's probably triathlon coach extraordinare. Now, when I go biking I usually do 3-5 loops of the park. (! loop=3.35 miles). John, the coach, is like "okay, we'll warm up with 2 laps then on the next one go hard for the final third, on the forth go hard for everything but the first third, and on the fifth go hard throughout. On the sixth take it easy and cool down." Sure, John! Why not?

I was the only girl (apparently others come sometimes) and expressed that I was really slow. One guy who's name I forget... actually okay I could only distinguish them by shirt colours because they all looked the same, pretty much. When you're wearing a helmet unless you have a giant nose or weird tattoos, it's hard to distinguish. Anyway so silver shirt did the first warm up loop with me. We're chatting nicely. Oh he's doing 20 triathlons this season. Oh he did an ironman last year. OH HE USED TO PLAY PRO SOCCER.

Our first warm up loop was like 16:30 which is embarrassingly slow. I usually do them in anywhere from 13- 14:30, 15 TOPS. (note: there is a really long hill, too). Anyway so silver shirt takes off. I end up only doing 4 loops, with my final being 15 minutes and the middle two being 15:30s. That's BAD. John was all nice about it and I ran my run session really fast to I might still impress somebody. (No need: it was quite flattering having the attention of 5 amazing triathletes all directed at me. "So you're coming back next week RIGHT?" "Sure, guys" "YES. I mean, cool." I love having that monopoly of being the only girl)

Anyway as I was carrying my bike back up to my apartment I noticed the back wheel wasn't spinning properly. If I was holding it up off the ground and spun the wheel, it would slow down really fast and stop suddenly. Yes, something was wrong with the brake. Basically, the brakes are stuck at a slightly on position. NO WONDER my quads were killing!

So next week when I go again I am going to take them all by surprise! And be so fast! Hooray! (That is... if I can fix this bike up! I don't know how!)

Weddings NYC

Now, we all know I had been feeling hesitant about this whole wedding sitch that's going on. But I realized that wedding=need to shop around a lot + need to be creative, the sum of which is approximately equivalent to Good Use Of The Internets. So triple w has been seeing a lot of me lately.

I've started reading Offbeat Bride and Brooklyn Bride.

Some lovely offbeat weddings that aren't quite my style nor I dare say my sister's, but wonderful none the less. Aly and Elroi (wedding party page cracks me up), this crazy Goth wedding! (in a cemetery!) , and I kind of like the whole show your tattoos thing, (Come on- its more fun than this, right?)

So, I'm getting pretty into this wedding idea.

Laura visits me in Brooklyn this weekend, so I thought hey lets see some wedding stores that you could only find in New York! So we're going here on Saturday- you have to put a $50 deposit to get an appointment! (Which I did! It's refundable when you show up). It's the largest designer dress place in the world, or something. Their cheapest dress is $1800 so clearly we won't be buying. But still, fun, right!

Now we have to look legit! Whereas I feel Laur's ring is our membership card to doing anything wedding planning related, now we have to look engaged AND rich. What hassle! I don't know ho to look rich!

Waterloo vs New York

I move back in to Waterloo in exactly a month...