Who's just not into who?
This fortnight's 20sb debate questions is "Would you tell your friend if you didn't like his/her partner?"
Some people (Lee, Clueless, Maxie, Bespectacled Brunette) have answered already.
I'm actually going to change the question to make it a bit more relevant.
Here's my situation: somebody I know, let's say he's a close family friend, is a huge jerk. He's unreliable, self centred, and not going anywhere with his life. He's all about his own appearance, and if I were to play him in Monopoly I wouldn't trust him to be the banker.
The issue is that he often seems to date really sweet girls.
Over the holidays I was introduced to the current girl. We didn't click... actually she was getting on my nerves a bit. But she was sweet, and nice to Jack, and friendly, and nervous to win us over.
The amount of respect the close family friend gave her was embarrassing. I didn't know whether to pity her or to give up, because somebody that allows other people to treat them like that must be a total fool.
Part of me wants to like, send her a facebook message saying "Look, the only reason I can see for you dating _____ is that you are desperate for a boyfriend. Seriously, it's not worth it. I'm single and life isn't that bad. Please, please, do yourself a favour and break up with him!" The other part of me sees that such an action is totally inappropriate.
Well, so I don't know. Should I ignore it all and wait for her to eventually realize she's worth better or for him to further break her heart? Or should I take action!
What would you do?
14 comments:
Aww, I'm in this position and it SUCKS. My friend's boyfriend totally sucks at life and is so rude and useless. Unfortunately, if I tell her exactly how I feel (no holds barred), I run the risk of losing her friendship forever. I choose to keep my opinions to myself. Yet, when she talks about him, I don't respond. I ignore all comments about him. I'm following the old adage "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Kinda immature, but whatever.
at least for you it would be your friend that you need to talk to. For me it's some girl that I've only met once who needs to get out!
I think my mother's family was in a similar situation when she began dating my father (who, as you know, she is know longer married to). Both her family AND his family 'warned' her about him - even up to the wedding day - and although they may have been right - it did not change her mind. So I guess I'm trying to say that in my opinion although you wouldn't be wrong in telling her - I'm not sure it would do much good either - I think we have all, at one time or another, experienced the blindness which a new love interest can bring.
SJ
As much as you want to tell her, you probably should let her figure it out for herself. You don't want that friction in the family w/the close family friend for someone who you don't even know.
Unfortunately, your advice (as a strange lady) probably wouldn't go over well with her. Sad, but true, I think she's going to have to find out the hard way.
OR you could hire a male model to seduce her away from him.
I think there are somethings that people just have to find out on their own.
Of course, I rarely listen to advice in general.
i agree with the above comments. unfortunately she's just going to have to figure it out on her own. if you tell her, she's just going to resent you and not listen.
don't worry. it might take her awhile, but the truth always comes out..... eventually.
You're so nice for wanting to tell her the truth about your family friend, but I think in a situation like this, she has to figure it out on her own. In high school, I dated a real tool and everyone kept telling me, but it only made me want to stay with him and prove them wrong. Until I actually figured out what a toolshed he was and ended it all and was like WTF WAS I THINKING??
So yeah, I agree with everyone else...I'd wait for her to figure it out in her own time.
Since you don't have a preexisting relationship with her, she'll only resent you for saying it.
You're sweet for wishing to help though. And this line? was hilarious: "if I were to play him in Monopoly I wouldn't trust him to be the banker."
I wanted to do this for the girl that was engaged to my loser cousin! She was marrying an unemployable, sloppy lazy disrespectful lump - and that's coming from family.
But I didn't tell her, and they are married and somehow she has whipped him into shape. So I'm glad I didn't say anything - she's the best thing that ever happened to him, hands down.
just leave it. "Treat the mean, keep them keen" everyone hates these type of people but these type of people always get the girls.
Its just life sadly
Thanks for the link
I think you should let her learn her own mistake. You could warn her, but she probably won't listen, and just end up resenting you and getting the guy to be mad at you or something. I realize your reasons are noble, but I totally see the whole thing blowing up.
Do you know her well??
As a general rule, I think you should perhaps say your peace if you know something really bad they have a right to know, but, really, people need to figure things out for themselves.
If she was a really good friend of yours, perhaps have a think about it and maybe do it. But since she isn't, I would leave it. She won't thank you for it.
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