An open letter to anyone who burgles shoes
Dear Bigfoot,
How did you like the party on Saturday? I had a pretty good time.
It was kind of dumb how they made us take our shoes off at the door, hey? I've been suspicious of such requests ever since that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie's $400 Minolos go missing so I stacked my shoes in a purposeful manner in the corner under the shoe rack. You'd have to really be in the mood for my shoes to bother to go get them.
It seems you were in the mood. You see, we arrived at the party wearing the same shoes.
You, big foot, left before I did. And instead of taking your own shoes, which you had carelessly strewn into the giant pile upon your arrival, you took mine.
Okay seriously you footwear thief - how drunk could you have been? Because there were many obvious signs that these particular shoes did not belong to you.
First, they were tucked under the shoe rack- if you didn't put them there, they couldn't have gotten there. Second, they were stacked in a way that, yeah, if you hadn't stacked them like that? They wouldn't magically end up like that. Third, they had peeling backs whereas the ones you arrived in were in slightly better condition. Fourth, your soles are worn out from dragging your feet while mine still had full treads.
If those 4 things didn't set off the "these aren't my shoes" alarms, here's what might of.
Yeah, the fact that mine are 2 and a half sizes smaller than yours.
This is a picture of me wearing one of your shoes.
How did you even get your feet IN my shoe?
Have you not NOTICED yet? And, since it YOU who inappropriately ransacked the pile of footwear, it is YOUR responsibility to get these back to me! Contact the people who hosted the party! Seriously- they're my fave shoes! I want them back!
-Lisa
***[Ed Note Nov 24th: It was been requested that I clarify that this wasn't a crazy, out of hand party]
15 comments:
ha ha. maybe you should try tying a brightly coloured ribbon on your shoes for the next party...it seems to work for suitcases on the airport carousel. And wow, that girl must have JUMBO feet, because yours aren't exactly petite, are they?
No! My feet are completely normal sized!
My bad, Lisa.
Hahaha, that's awful, and really funny. I'm a no-shoes-indoors kind of person too, but I don't tell people that they have to go shoeless in my house. It would be horrible if someone lost their shoes!
I've had a pair of innocent brown leather pumps torn apart by a little dog at someone's (no-shoes-indoors) house. Not fun at all.
Hilarious but ohhhhh I would be pissed.
Oh nooo! Boo, stupid BLIND bigfoot shoe thief.
This is one of my fears. I love all my shoe's and I would hate for any of them to be stolen. I hate when people make you take your shoes off, what if someone had stinky feet and just didn't want to? In my opinion if you are going to host a party, shoe clean up is part of it!
Sorry about your shoes :(
OMG losing your shoes is sad...devastating almost....
click your heels and repeat after me :
"I will never leave my shoes unattended"
unless of course you're trying to get the prince's attention in Ciderella's ball...hugs...
Hope you get them back...
I am imagining the poor drunk chick wandering home and trying to figure out what she did to make her feet swell up so much.
oh that sucks big time.
Weird. Surely they would return them!? fingers crossed
Yeah, I'm with Clink. I would get DNA from their shoe and pull a CSI miracle and try and match the records from the people at the party and hunt that person down. There is nothing nastier that someone else's shoes. Ew.
Next time I suggest that instead of taking off your shoes and leaving them somewhere else, to just tie them together with something and attach them to your person. No way you'd lose them then.
Noo!!!!!! That is hilarious!!
If it makes you feel any better, I keep a spare pair of sneakers at the office in case I ever have to walk home in an emergency. (It's NYC. We're a terrorism target. Must be prepared.) They just sit there, not bothering anyone. OUR CLEANING LADY TOTALLY THREW THEM AWAY LAST WEEK!
hahaha nice you made light of it in this post. but i too would be so PISSED! like WTF people!
hey i have those shoes! (but i swear it wasn't me) ;)
and i LOVED that S&TC episode. freakin hilarious.
I'm laughing imagining this drunk chick trying to squeeze into your shoes.
This is why I wear size 13s. Nobody ever mistakes my shoes for theirs. Well, except for that clown that one time.
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